It's Italian for Symphony of Life. I'm a passionate lover of music....music of all kinds. My iPod playlists can take you through worship, Yanni, movie soundtracks/scores, oldies, hip hop, classical, Pearl Jam, and much much more all in a quick 5 minutes. Depending on my task and/or mood, the music around me is the soundtrack for my life.
Without question though, the genre of music that I become completely enveloped in and consumed by is orchestral/symphonic music. Hans Zimmer is one of my absolute favorite composers and he is a theatrical/musical mastermind that is able to capture every character, emotion, struggle, and victory and weave those individual parts into a story that is powerful enough to draw listeners in and entice them out of the very darkest, tiny corners of their souls to travel the lines and notes of the story.
The thing about orchestral music that a lot of people go their whole lives never realizing is the critical part that each instrument, player, part, and movement plays in the overall beauty and emotional portrait that is painted by the orchestra. Each breath taken, when it is taken.....every measure that's counted, the timing, finger placement, breath support, amount of pressure applied or forced air that is moved....it's all of those things happening at the right time in the right place(s). Each musician has notes to play, those notes make up their part, that part contributes to their section, and their section contributes to the overall collective. If anyone neglects to learn their part and execute it accordingly, many others are let down and the collective is not as strong as it could be. Wrong notes, lack of passion and practice, or an individual trying to go rogue and do his/her own thing to get noticed....these things only bring discord, clashing melodies, and harmonies that are not so harmonious, all of which leave listeners praying for it to just end, or walking out to save themselves. No amount of foot tapping, conducting, or set of new strings around will bring harmony to the whole if each musician is merely in it for themselves.
Whether we realize it or not....we all have a part to play in this symphony we're in. Some practice hard, show up to rehearsal, and give it their all. Good musicians are able to split their focus and play their part, but also listen to the others around and gracefully weave their lines into the piece with the others. So many people in life only care about being heard that they will make ugly, destructive noise to do so. People become jealous of the soloists that "got the solo" that they wanted and seek to undermine the soloist's talent and beauty and diminish their spirit. In doing so, they lose focus on their own part to be played that offers support and strength to what the soloist is doing...even if it means just sitting behind them during an a cappella part. Just knowing the rest of the group is there, counting along, listening intently and preparing for their entrance is the support a soloist is often looking for.
I challenge you....listen to a piece of music outside your norm. Try one with NO words...just instruments. I even put a link for you below. Focus on listening to only ONE part/instrument the entire song. Try not choosing a melody or main strain of the song...listen to the supporting parts and the depth and support they add. If you're doing it right, pretty soon you'll hear how the others support that one part and vice versa. You'll hear how critical that part is to the overall piece.
What is your part? Do you even know? Are you trying to go rogue? Are you paying attention and weaving in your part with the others around you? Although we may sit in different sections, play different instruments and have different parts, we each have a crucial, vital part to play in this symphony of life. We need to put our own agendas back in the folder under the chair, listen to what is going on around us and focus on practicing and executing our part to the best of our abilities so that we may also offer support to the entire orchestra. An orchestra is many moving parts learning to ebb and flow, move and be moved, respond and advance....together. The ones that cannot do that may just be asked to leave the stage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqlddXTcRWQ
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Letters To My Childhood....#219
Dear Mini Molly,
I can see you...sitting there, at your desk in your room. Algebra book splayed, paper smudged with eraser marks, and your pencil is dangling lifelessly between your fingers as it contemplates jumping from the cliff of frustration and defeat. You're trying your best to hold your head in your hand in just the right position so that nobody can see the tears that are spilling over your cheeks. Only I can know that inside your head, you're fighting a battle. There's a war raging between a cancerous defeat and an incessant expectation to persevere.
As you hang there by a tenuous strand of variables and exponents, your shoulders are slumping more and more, your whimsical hair is showing signs of nervous twirling (you STILL do that...STOP IT.), and you slowly slide your head down and rest it against the cool, unforgiving desktop. I know you want to give up, you want to scream, you want to slam the book shut and throw it....yes, yes, that would make you feel better wouldn't it??!! Algebra is never going to be easy for you; I can promise you that. It's the going to be the nemesis that taints your Freshman year and scars your overall GPA for your entire high school path. Here comes dad....he's going to check your answer for the problem he asked you to do.....that you haven't even started. I'm wondering if this is a good time to tell you that Algebra is not the first, nor the last, struggling encounter you're going to have?
You're going to face many, many more situations where you'll have a choice to submit to defeat, or push through the doubt and fear to ensure you arrive at the finish. When you leave for college and your heart is aching for family and home, your sister will be the close by face of love and assurance that will get you through. When one of your most cherished friends from high school loses his life in a car accident, his mom and the friends you shared will remind you of his goodness and the happiness he gave to all. When you watch your sister and her husband say goodbye to their son, your nephew, after only 24 hours of life, a guy named AJ, who will be your fiance`, will pick up the pieces of your broken heart and slowly put it back together. (PS...he's a good one!) When you and AJ, married with a 4-month old son you will name Logan, decide to pack up your life and move to East Tennessee where you know nobody, your Mom, Dad, and friends Seth and Pete will make the journey with you to ensure you get settled into the next chapter of your life. When AJ has to have heart surgery at the age of 31, it will be the prayers of your church family and the support of your in-laws at your side that will carry you through the six hour long surgery and hold up you when you're crying out your fear in the parking garage of the Cleveland Clinic. And lastly, when you have no choice but to walk away from the perceived stability of a career, and close, meaningful friendships, all of these people and so many more will wrap you up in the fuzzy, warm blanket of love and support. They will hand you tissues when you cry, pray with you when you pray, laugh with you when you laugh, and do the "happy dance" and jump and celebrate when you celebrate in victory over your struggles. In each one of these instances, notice that are always two common elements.
First, in each instance, you will have the choice to succumb to defeat or dust off the dirt and put one foot in front of the other towards the finish. You're a fighter girl...but let me tell ya', you suck at asking for help. You try to do too much on your own. Secondly, you often confuse the need for strength with weakness, when in actuality you get your strength comes from those around you. See, so many people give up on God because they feel like they don't have enough "hard evidence" or the "right answers to their questions"...but when you can reach out for an extended hand to pull you up...what more proof do you need?? He lives in all of us who invite Him in...and then He uses us all to wrap each other up in His really big love-hugs that sustain and give strength to keep going. Having to rely on others doesn't mean you're weak, it means your strength rest in something much bigger than you alone. Yeah, you're going to hurt, you'll learn what friends do and don't do, and those closest to you will let you down. But life without them would mean a life with some of the best moments you're going to experience...so allow forgiveness to cover your hurts, leave behind what's not good, and take the extended hands that will help you up.
You're going to make it Lil' Molls. You're going to be alright. Algebra will soon pass and be a distant memory that you end up relying on when you're sitting face to face with the frustrated Algebra student you're tutoring. Just remember to smile and laugh....and ALWAYS share them with others. God did not intend life to be done alone....so quit thinking you've got to do this all on your onesie. Revel and share in the strength of His loving family. Ask for help, not because you can't do something, but because you want to learn, get stronger, and be ready to extend a hand to someone else.
You Go Girl,
Grown-Up Molls
I can see you...sitting there, at your desk in your room. Algebra book splayed, paper smudged with eraser marks, and your pencil is dangling lifelessly between your fingers as it contemplates jumping from the cliff of frustration and defeat. You're trying your best to hold your head in your hand in just the right position so that nobody can see the tears that are spilling over your cheeks. Only I can know that inside your head, you're fighting a battle. There's a war raging between a cancerous defeat and an incessant expectation to persevere.
As you hang there by a tenuous strand of variables and exponents, your shoulders are slumping more and more, your whimsical hair is showing signs of nervous twirling (you STILL do that...STOP IT.), and you slowly slide your head down and rest it against the cool, unforgiving desktop. I know you want to give up, you want to scream, you want to slam the book shut and throw it....yes, yes, that would make you feel better wouldn't it??!! Algebra is never going to be easy for you; I can promise you that. It's the going to be the nemesis that taints your Freshman year and scars your overall GPA for your entire high school path. Here comes dad....he's going to check your answer for the problem he asked you to do.....that you haven't even started. I'm wondering if this is a good time to tell you that Algebra is not the first, nor the last, struggling encounter you're going to have?
You're going to face many, many more situations where you'll have a choice to submit to defeat, or push through the doubt and fear to ensure you arrive at the finish. When you leave for college and your heart is aching for family and home, your sister will be the close by face of love and assurance that will get you through. When one of your most cherished friends from high school loses his life in a car accident, his mom and the friends you shared will remind you of his goodness and the happiness he gave to all. When you watch your sister and her husband say goodbye to their son, your nephew, after only 24 hours of life, a guy named AJ, who will be your fiance`, will pick up the pieces of your broken heart and slowly put it back together. (PS...he's a good one!) When you and AJ, married with a 4-month old son you will name Logan, decide to pack up your life and move to East Tennessee where you know nobody, your Mom, Dad, and friends Seth and Pete will make the journey with you to ensure you get settled into the next chapter of your life. When AJ has to have heart surgery at the age of 31, it will be the prayers of your church family and the support of your in-laws at your side that will carry you through the six hour long surgery and hold up you when you're crying out your fear in the parking garage of the Cleveland Clinic. And lastly, when you have no choice but to walk away from the perceived stability of a career, and close, meaningful friendships, all of these people and so many more will wrap you up in the fuzzy, warm blanket of love and support. They will hand you tissues when you cry, pray with you when you pray, laugh with you when you laugh, and do the "happy dance" and jump and celebrate when you celebrate in victory over your struggles. In each one of these instances, notice that are always two common elements.
First, in each instance, you will have the choice to succumb to defeat or dust off the dirt and put one foot in front of the other towards the finish. You're a fighter girl...but let me tell ya', you suck at asking for help. You try to do too much on your own. Secondly, you often confuse the need for strength with weakness, when in actuality you get your strength comes from those around you. See, so many people give up on God because they feel like they don't have enough "hard evidence" or the "right answers to their questions"...but when you can reach out for an extended hand to pull you up...what more proof do you need?? He lives in all of us who invite Him in...and then He uses us all to wrap each other up in His really big love-hugs that sustain and give strength to keep going. Having to rely on others doesn't mean you're weak, it means your strength rest in something much bigger than you alone. Yeah, you're going to hurt, you'll learn what friends do and don't do, and those closest to you will let you down. But life without them would mean a life with some of the best moments you're going to experience...so allow forgiveness to cover your hurts, leave behind what's not good, and take the extended hands that will help you up.
You're going to make it Lil' Molls. You're going to be alright. Algebra will soon pass and be a distant memory that you end up relying on when you're sitting face to face with the frustrated Algebra student you're tutoring. Just remember to smile and laugh....and ALWAYS share them with others. God did not intend life to be done alone....so quit thinking you've got to do this all on your onesie. Revel and share in the strength of His loving family. Ask for help, not because you can't do something, but because you want to learn, get stronger, and be ready to extend a hand to someone else.
You Go Girl,
Grown-Up Molls
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Divining Rods
Most of my friends will tell you...."she's full of weird information", and the truth is, they're right! I've always been one that tries to learn as much as I can no matter what I am doing or where I am at. My parents would be all-to-eager to share memories of when my inquisitive nature either shocked their socks off, or had them devising the easiest, quickest escape route.
SO....when I ask you if you have ever heard of a "divining rod", most of you probably wouldn't know unless you've played some ingenuous role-playing game or read a fantasy or criminal investigation book. However, I was taught about divining rods from my dad, and it's a memory I remember often and will never forget. My dad and I would go for walks down by the canal when I was growing up. We'd walk along and he'd teach me things that his dad taught him like what crab apples are, the berries in the wild that you could and could not eat, what poison ivy looks like, how to get a "whistle pig" a.k.a groundhog to stand up so you can get a better shot, and what a divining rod is. We were walking along and he saw a stick on the ground that was thicker than most and shaped in the form of a "Y". He asked me if I knew what people used a divining rod for, and of course, I had no clue. He explained that sticks in this shape could be held by turning your hands outward and placing one hand on each end of the "Y" tails and have the end pointed upward and away from your body. What??!! I couldn't understand why anyone would feel the need to do this....but my dad took the stick, placed his hands on the tails, and slowed his walk. All of a sudden he stopped and the point of the stick slowly pulled downward towards the ground. HOLY CRAPOLA! I couldn't believe that the stick had moved all on its own; it had to be my dad playing a trick on me.
Then my dad explained that divining rods were used (and a modified version still is) to detect water and minerals below the ground. When the divining rod pulls down, there is probably water and/or minerals flowing below the surface. Many centuries ago, people used divining rods to find good, solid places to build homes on....nobody wants to build a house on a moving water source underneath the ground! He further explained that many utility companies use similar, modified version to detect water so they know where NOT to dig. I am sure that nowadays they just point a computer at it and it tells them what lies beneath, amount, quality, etc., etc. Ever since that day, I've thought about that time a lot, and I've wondered why exactly they were called "divining" rods.
I think I have my answer. You see, four months ago, my life turned on a dime. I found myself amidst a great deal of loss. I was looking for a job, I had lost my very best friend, we were losing our savings by the minute, and I lost my sense of stability in life. It appeared to be the lowest point of my adult life thus far. But something beautiful rose from that horrific, dirty, ugly pile of rubble that I was sitting on.
God took it as an opportunity to place a divining rod in my hands so that I could find my source of living water and rich treasures again....I needed to find my way back to Him. I had to make a mental, emotional, and physical effort to slow down on my life walk. Through reading, studying, and understanding His word and the true depth of Christ's sacrifice for me, I was lead through facing demons and sins I'd been carrying for too long that were too heavy. I found that my value, worth, and acceptance is NOT founded on the apocryphal judgements that others have of me, they're founded on the exculpatory love and sacrifice of Christ. I've learned that having to let go of someone you love dearly, in spite of the fervid and egregious pain, is often the best thing you can do for them. Their choice are not my choices, their paths are not my paths, so staying a part of their past is the best thing for their future. I've learned that facing sin head on is a cathartic, exhausting act of faith that once complete, allows God the ability to fill the empty space and burgeon something even more beautiful than we can imagine. Lost in an abeyance, God saw it necessary to place a divining rod, His word, into my hands to ensure I'd feast on the rich, satisfying streams of living water and nurturing food found ONLY in Him.
Life can develop into an amalgamation of routines, schedules, and "normalcy", and when we get good at it....we can get moving pretty fast. We can blow off the gentle taps on the shoulder from God and fall prey to believing that "we've got this" and allow ourselves to go down paths that lead to selfish belief systems and dark, lonely places. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it's what you tell yourself or what you hear when you're alone that either drives you further into loss or helps you up and back to the path. But if you don't slow down and utilize your divining rod, you're merely guessing at where the good stuff is. You will be left thirsty, malnourished, and wandering aimlessly for answers. I've discovered that once you slow down and rely on His word and plan, you find the living water and nourishment, rich with forgiveness, love, fun, friendship, blessings, and so much more. Thank you dad, for always teaching me ways back to the path.
SO....when I ask you if you have ever heard of a "divining rod", most of you probably wouldn't know unless you've played some ingenuous role-playing game or read a fantasy or criminal investigation book. However, I was taught about divining rods from my dad, and it's a memory I remember often and will never forget. My dad and I would go for walks down by the canal when I was growing up. We'd walk along and he'd teach me things that his dad taught him like what crab apples are, the berries in the wild that you could and could not eat, what poison ivy looks like, how to get a "whistle pig" a.k.a groundhog to stand up so you can get a better shot, and what a divining rod is. We were walking along and he saw a stick on the ground that was thicker than most and shaped in the form of a "Y". He asked me if I knew what people used a divining rod for, and of course, I had no clue. He explained that sticks in this shape could be held by turning your hands outward and placing one hand on each end of the "Y" tails and have the end pointed upward and away from your body. What??!! I couldn't understand why anyone would feel the need to do this....but my dad took the stick, placed his hands on the tails, and slowed his walk. All of a sudden he stopped and the point of the stick slowly pulled downward towards the ground. HOLY CRAPOLA! I couldn't believe that the stick had moved all on its own; it had to be my dad playing a trick on me.
Then my dad explained that divining rods were used (and a modified version still is) to detect water and minerals below the ground. When the divining rod pulls down, there is probably water and/or minerals flowing below the surface. Many centuries ago, people used divining rods to find good, solid places to build homes on....nobody wants to build a house on a moving water source underneath the ground! He further explained that many utility companies use similar, modified version to detect water so they know where NOT to dig. I am sure that nowadays they just point a computer at it and it tells them what lies beneath, amount, quality, etc., etc. Ever since that day, I've thought about that time a lot, and I've wondered why exactly they were called "divining" rods.
I think I have my answer. You see, four months ago, my life turned on a dime. I found myself amidst a great deal of loss. I was looking for a job, I had lost my very best friend, we were losing our savings by the minute, and I lost my sense of stability in life. It appeared to be the lowest point of my adult life thus far. But something beautiful rose from that horrific, dirty, ugly pile of rubble that I was sitting on.
God took it as an opportunity to place a divining rod in my hands so that I could find my source of living water and rich treasures again....I needed to find my way back to Him. I had to make a mental, emotional, and physical effort to slow down on my life walk. Through reading, studying, and understanding His word and the true depth of Christ's sacrifice for me, I was lead through facing demons and sins I'd been carrying for too long that were too heavy. I found that my value, worth, and acceptance is NOT founded on the apocryphal judgements that others have of me, they're founded on the exculpatory love and sacrifice of Christ. I've learned that having to let go of someone you love dearly, in spite of the fervid and egregious pain, is often the best thing you can do for them. Their choice are not my choices, their paths are not my paths, so staying a part of their past is the best thing for their future. I've learned that facing sin head on is a cathartic, exhausting act of faith that once complete, allows God the ability to fill the empty space and burgeon something even more beautiful than we can imagine. Lost in an abeyance, God saw it necessary to place a divining rod, His word, into my hands to ensure I'd feast on the rich, satisfying streams of living water and nurturing food found ONLY in Him.
Life can develop into an amalgamation of routines, schedules, and "normalcy", and when we get good at it....we can get moving pretty fast. We can blow off the gentle taps on the shoulder from God and fall prey to believing that "we've got this" and allow ourselves to go down paths that lead to selfish belief systems and dark, lonely places. Being alone isn't a bad thing, it's what you tell yourself or what you hear when you're alone that either drives you further into loss or helps you up and back to the path. But if you don't slow down and utilize your divining rod, you're merely guessing at where the good stuff is. You will be left thirsty, malnourished, and wandering aimlessly for answers. I've discovered that once you slow down and rely on His word and plan, you find the living water and nourishment, rich with forgiveness, love, fun, friendship, blessings, and so much more. Thank you dad, for always teaching me ways back to the path.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Happily Ever After....
It's not just in fairy tales! Let me start by saying that I am by no means perfect...nor am I claiming to have it all figured out...far from it! But many of us go around searching for our "happily ever after", not realizing that it's been in front of us the whole time, but it is up to us to invest in it and create grounds for it to grow and truly become the fairy tale.
Let's face it...people snore, fart, burp, have bad morning breath, stink after exercise and much, much more. Furthermore, people have character traits that often lay dormant until a situation comes along that awakens the sleeping giant within. Being married, not pretending to be by living together, I mean truly married requires you to first look within yourself and evaluate who you are and what you have to offer someone else. Then it requires you to accept everything the other person is AND is not. Today at church, the message was entitled "Have-Nots", which is part of a 4-part series on Marriage...one more reason why I love our church! Now before you go thinking, "Oh Man...here she goes on a religious rampage..." and stop reading, I am here to tell you ONE: I don't care if my "religious rampages" offend you...at least it's provoking some thought in you about it, and TWO: If you truly have everything figured out then, yes, stop reading and let me know so I can notify Wikipedia, Brittancia and Google that they are no longer necessary.
It was not so much a revelation for me today, but rather a realization of common sense, when one amazing point delivered is that the foundation of a great marriage is built before the marriage even begins....even before the dating begins! Whatever one is devoted to becomes the foundation for what your marriage will be founded on as well. Whether it's a career, money, socializing, education....whatever...it won't change magically when you get married! Now, the encouragement offered, which I support, is that before getting married you should be doing as the apostle Paul suggests in I Corinthians 7, and be first undeniably devoted to God and fostering a relationship with him. Once that is established and cultivated, the "attributes" for (or requirements for some...) your lucky betrothed-to-be become very clear and God then leads your search for your one and only.
Commonly, people fall into the trap of thinking that once they're married than "this" will be better or "that" won't be as bad. WHAT?! Are you out of your ever-lovin' mind? Things don't change just because you wore a pretty dress or got down on one knee to cough up two months worth of salary. People ARE who they ARE. Believing that that person will be able to be your "happily ever after" is an expectation doomed for failure. When you take a long, hard look at what your life was like prior to marriage...be aware that it's not going to be much different once your married. In fact, marriage is not designed to make things better....it only ramps up what is already there...good OR bad. Marriage gives you MORE of what you already have....good OR bad. (This applies to having a baby too. Process that for a minute.) Not every marriage is doomed to fail if this isn't the case....but honestly...your chances of being successfully married 20 years from now drastically improve if your focus and devotion prior to marriage is not all about you. True, sacrificial love means putting your own needs, desires and plans BEHIND your spouse's. One caveat to that is...true love usually means that your needs, desires and plans usually include your spouse in some way, or match up at some level with theirs.
If you think about it, it's all about what you're looking for. C'mon ladies, let's be truly honest here....women know how to get what they want, and we know where to go to get it! Manipulation through clothing, actions and words ultimately reels in exactly what you're fishing for. I believe a lady can dress with tact and a bit of sexy and not compromise who she is....but the motivations behind it are what's questionable. Every fisherman knows what kind of bait to use to draw in the catch, but as a result, ask yourself are they worth being caught? Ladies, a man's greatest need is to be respected. If you can't foster words, actions, love and friendship that shows respect for him (even when he is going of the deep end in his tighty-whities, black knee socks, and wife beater with stains at 60 years old)...then you have NO business asking him to share your world. If you truly don't have your "crap" together, and you know if you do or not, then the person who doesn't want to marry you because of it is EXACTLY who you want. Think about that.
Men....you're not off the hook. A very wise person said, "You have to be the person you're looking for is looking for." How true, right?! So simple, so true. A woman's greatest need is to be loved...if you can't love every single thing about her....then you have absolutely NO business bringing her into your world. Bodies change with age, makeup smudges and wears off, and stretch marks are like tiger stripes...they just add more character! If you don't believe me....go look up child birth on You Tube. If you can't deal with who she is all around BEFORE you get married and who she may grow into later...it ain't gonna get better...only worse!
Listen....like I said, I am NOT saying I've got this all figured out or that I am perfect by ANY means. Actually, I am still learning something new about marriage every single day. I have let my husband down more times than I can count and I've hurt him in ways deeper than anyone could, but the reason we celebrated 10 years of marriage this year is because we have a relationship with God first, and secondly, we make our marriage and it's success a priority. We've not always done that...and that's when things start feeling "out of balance"....awareness and communication are crucial to balancing the scales once again. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few weeks, sometimes years...the point is....are you each aware of it and are you adding weight to the same side of the scale to balance it out?
Lastly, the greatest realization I took away today is this: happily ever after is not about finding the "right" person, its' about becoming the "right" person. It takes a hard, honest look into your own heart first and foremost to determine if becoming the "right" person is more important to you than your right to be right all of the time, desperate cries for attention, or anything else that makes you hesitate to answer that question at all. If it's not...maybe take some time to self-eval and get your proverbial "poop in a group" before jumping into marriage. If it is...then happy trails to you!
Let's face it...people snore, fart, burp, have bad morning breath, stink after exercise and much, much more. Furthermore, people have character traits that often lay dormant until a situation comes along that awakens the sleeping giant within. Being married, not pretending to be by living together, I mean truly married requires you to first look within yourself and evaluate who you are and what you have to offer someone else. Then it requires you to accept everything the other person is AND is not. Today at church, the message was entitled "Have-Nots", which is part of a 4-part series on Marriage...one more reason why I love our church! Now before you go thinking, "Oh Man...here she goes on a religious rampage..." and stop reading, I am here to tell you ONE: I don't care if my "religious rampages" offend you...at least it's provoking some thought in you about it, and TWO: If you truly have everything figured out then, yes, stop reading and let me know so I can notify Wikipedia, Brittancia and Google that they are no longer necessary.
It was not so much a revelation for me today, but rather a realization of common sense, when one amazing point delivered is that the foundation of a great marriage is built before the marriage even begins....even before the dating begins! Whatever one is devoted to becomes the foundation for what your marriage will be founded on as well. Whether it's a career, money, socializing, education....whatever...it won't change magically when you get married! Now, the encouragement offered, which I support, is that before getting married you should be doing as the apostle Paul suggests in I Corinthians 7, and be first undeniably devoted to God and fostering a relationship with him. Once that is established and cultivated, the "attributes" for (or requirements for some...) your lucky betrothed-to-be become very clear and God then leads your search for your one and only.
Commonly, people fall into the trap of thinking that once they're married than "this" will be better or "that" won't be as bad. WHAT?! Are you out of your ever-lovin' mind? Things don't change just because you wore a pretty dress or got down on one knee to cough up two months worth of salary. People ARE who they ARE. Believing that that person will be able to be your "happily ever after" is an expectation doomed for failure. When you take a long, hard look at what your life was like prior to marriage...be aware that it's not going to be much different once your married. In fact, marriage is not designed to make things better....it only ramps up what is already there...good OR bad. Marriage gives you MORE of what you already have....good OR bad. (This applies to having a baby too. Process that for a minute.) Not every marriage is doomed to fail if this isn't the case....but honestly...your chances of being successfully married 20 years from now drastically improve if your focus and devotion prior to marriage is not all about you. True, sacrificial love means putting your own needs, desires and plans BEHIND your spouse's. One caveat to that is...true love usually means that your needs, desires and plans usually include your spouse in some way, or match up at some level with theirs.
If you think about it, it's all about what you're looking for. C'mon ladies, let's be truly honest here....women know how to get what they want, and we know where to go to get it! Manipulation through clothing, actions and words ultimately reels in exactly what you're fishing for. I believe a lady can dress with tact and a bit of sexy and not compromise who she is....but the motivations behind it are what's questionable. Every fisherman knows what kind of bait to use to draw in the catch, but as a result, ask yourself are they worth being caught? Ladies, a man's greatest need is to be respected. If you can't foster words, actions, love and friendship that shows respect for him (even when he is going of the deep end in his tighty-whities, black knee socks, and wife beater with stains at 60 years old)...then you have NO business asking him to share your world. If you truly don't have your "crap" together, and you know if you do or not, then the person who doesn't want to marry you because of it is EXACTLY who you want. Think about that.
Men....you're not off the hook. A very wise person said, "You have to be the person you're looking for is looking for." How true, right?! So simple, so true. A woman's greatest need is to be loved...if you can't love every single thing about her....then you have absolutely NO business bringing her into your world. Bodies change with age, makeup smudges and wears off, and stretch marks are like tiger stripes...they just add more character! If you don't believe me....go look up child birth on You Tube. If you can't deal with who she is all around BEFORE you get married and who she may grow into later...it ain't gonna get better...only worse!
Listen....like I said, I am NOT saying I've got this all figured out or that I am perfect by ANY means. Actually, I am still learning something new about marriage every single day. I have let my husband down more times than I can count and I've hurt him in ways deeper than anyone could, but the reason we celebrated 10 years of marriage this year is because we have a relationship with God first, and secondly, we make our marriage and it's success a priority. We've not always done that...and that's when things start feeling "out of balance"....awareness and communication are crucial to balancing the scales once again. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few weeks, sometimes years...the point is....are you each aware of it and are you adding weight to the same side of the scale to balance it out?
Lastly, the greatest realization I took away today is this: happily ever after is not about finding the "right" person, its' about becoming the "right" person. It takes a hard, honest look into your own heart first and foremost to determine if becoming the "right" person is more important to you than your right to be right all of the time, desperate cries for attention, or anything else that makes you hesitate to answer that question at all. If it's not...maybe take some time to self-eval and get your proverbial "poop in a group" before jumping into marriage. If it is...then happy trails to you!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
So You Think You're in Love, huh?
Love. A simple, four-letter word that holds more meaning and weight than most of us can fathom in a lifetime. Love. Simple, yet so complicated.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." -I John 4:18
Fear. Another simple, four-letter word that most of us know more intimately than love. Quite the oxy moron, right? Fear drives us to do or not do so many things. Fear often becomes a way for one person to manipulate another, and call it "love". Pretty soon what is disguised as love, no matter the context of the relationship, becomes a crumbling facade underneath slowly (or quickly) being eroded by the fast-moving waters of fear. Fear tells you that you need to lie because the people around you will think less of you if they know the truth. When in actuality, if those people truly love you, they love you for you, not your self-perceived imperfections. Fear will continue to send you up the river by making you slowly feel like you can't trust those you love with the truth of what you've done. Fear creates a cycle of abuse, often one that we inflict upon ourselves. Once we get exhausted from running around in that cycle, we give fear a new link in the chain by pulling in others. We fear being alone, or of admitting the need to let go of someone we care about, so through manipulation we reel others back to our cycle for a little while, until something else distracts us. But, we've done all of this under the guise we so flippantly call "love".
Love. Perfect love. It's NOT the kind of love fairy tales are laced with. It's not what you feel for your sweet little puppy. It's not what creates the star-crossed "love at first sight" you had with Miss Lovely or Mr. Blue Eyes from across the room at a frat party in college. Perfect love is what exists between our Father in Heaven and his children. We are charged by Him to follow his example in all of our relationships and that means loving without fear. Perfect love is when a spouse can empty their soul of all fear, lay down all mistakes, and trust that their significant other is going trudge up the steep hill they're facing, side-by-side, rather than sneaking out the door. Perfect love is when a parent lets go of a child so they can learn to stand alone. Though the parent knows they're going to falter and hurt at times, they can both trust that it is love that binds them, not the mistakes they make.
What are you afraid of? Ask yourself, WHY do you fear it? Life has many things to fear, but your relationship with God and your loved ones should not be one that incites fear. If it does, I challenge you to look into your heart and the nature of those relationships because what you are experiencing is not perfect love...therefore, you're going to remain caught in a cycle of deterioration. The only way to change that is to commit to building a shelter for perfect love to dwell in. If you can't make the next step in life because you fear the unknown, remember, it's only unknown to YOU for the time being. God sees, knows, and controls everything in his own PERFECT time. Perfect love sets you free; perfect love embraces you...all of you. If you offer "love", be respectful of its weight. Christ shed his perfect love for his children on the cross, drop by perfect drop. Then, he continued to show his love by blessing us beyond measure.
So, who have you trusted with perfect love? Or are you still fearing what that means?
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." -I John 4:18
Fear. Another simple, four-letter word that most of us know more intimately than love. Quite the oxy moron, right? Fear drives us to do or not do so many things. Fear often becomes a way for one person to manipulate another, and call it "love". Pretty soon what is disguised as love, no matter the context of the relationship, becomes a crumbling facade underneath slowly (or quickly) being eroded by the fast-moving waters of fear. Fear tells you that you need to lie because the people around you will think less of you if they know the truth. When in actuality, if those people truly love you, they love you for you, not your self-perceived imperfections. Fear will continue to send you up the river by making you slowly feel like you can't trust those you love with the truth of what you've done. Fear creates a cycle of abuse, often one that we inflict upon ourselves. Once we get exhausted from running around in that cycle, we give fear a new link in the chain by pulling in others. We fear being alone, or of admitting the need to let go of someone we care about, so through manipulation we reel others back to our cycle for a little while, until something else distracts us. But, we've done all of this under the guise we so flippantly call "love".
Love. Perfect love. It's NOT the kind of love fairy tales are laced with. It's not what you feel for your sweet little puppy. It's not what creates the star-crossed "love at first sight" you had with Miss Lovely or Mr. Blue Eyes from across the room at a frat party in college. Perfect love is what exists between our Father in Heaven and his children. We are charged by Him to follow his example in all of our relationships and that means loving without fear. Perfect love is when a spouse can empty their soul of all fear, lay down all mistakes, and trust that their significant other is going trudge up the steep hill they're facing, side-by-side, rather than sneaking out the door. Perfect love is when a parent lets go of a child so they can learn to stand alone. Though the parent knows they're going to falter and hurt at times, they can both trust that it is love that binds them, not the mistakes they make.
What are you afraid of? Ask yourself, WHY do you fear it? Life has many things to fear, but your relationship with God and your loved ones should not be one that incites fear. If it does, I challenge you to look into your heart and the nature of those relationships because what you are experiencing is not perfect love...therefore, you're going to remain caught in a cycle of deterioration. The only way to change that is to commit to building a shelter for perfect love to dwell in. If you can't make the next step in life because you fear the unknown, remember, it's only unknown to YOU for the time being. God sees, knows, and controls everything in his own PERFECT time. Perfect love sets you free; perfect love embraces you...all of you. If you offer "love", be respectful of its weight. Christ shed his perfect love for his children on the cross, drop by perfect drop. Then, he continued to show his love by blessing us beyond measure.
So, who have you trusted with perfect love? Or are you still fearing what that means?
Friday, August 10, 2012
50 Shades of...Get the Facts Straight....
Alright, enough is enough.
In case you didn't know, I am an avid reader. I love reading because of the ability to learn, challenge myself, and slip away for just a bit. I read books from all genres and jump into each book with the "don't judge a book by its cover", open-mind type of perspective.
So let me confirm your burning question....YES...I have read all three books of the Fifty Shades trilogy. YES....I am a Christian, married woman who read these books and I still love Chick-Fil-A too. There are many perfectly amazing people out there who are "taking a stance" against reading 50 Shades, and to those folks I say "Fabulous...kudos to you for landing in one camp on the topic." Most of those folks will go on living in a sensible, peaceful manner because they are smart enough to realize that there are much bigger fish to fry than how many copies of smut are flying off the shelves at their local Barnes & Nobles.
Here's where I get a little cantankerous...if you will. Some folks out there are claiming that the trilogy is solely focused on glorifying BDS&M and borderline, abusive relationships, I ask..."and you've read it, right??!!" A large portion would answer "NO...and I'm proud of it!". Very well, so you're proud of the fact that you based a judgement of a book (which consists of paper, ink, fictitious characters and plots), an author (who's a real person), and the droves of other humans who've read it, merely on what somebody else has said? And you're okay with that?? To that point I say that anyone with any sort of literary wherewithal can see that there are multiple themes throughout the storyline that become much bigger than "all that sex" in the books. It's a story of how something very deep, passionate, and trusting grew out of something intended to be short-lived, shallow, and skin deep. Sounds like society wouldn't like that because of how "hook ups" and "one night stands" have become so commonplace. Moreover, it's a story of how two people challenge each other to face and overcome the skeletons in their closets so that a new, happier ife can be achieved. Last time I checked, loving, caring people did that kind of thing.
Secondly, if you look at the definition of "abuse" it is: to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. Abuse is also indicated by at least one party involved not giving consent to the "abusive" behavior(s), or let alone having a choice in it. Furthermore, it is usually a scenario where the person(s) being abused have any say in the degree, length, or conditions of the behaviors involved. Because I've read the books, I know that this is NOT the case in this story line. Both participants entered into each "interlude" fully informed, by their own accord, AND armed with the ability to stop anything at anytime for any possible reason by the use of one word. That's far more than many alcoholic, drug beaten, physically abusive citizens can say for their relationships. If one of those folks had hit rock bottom and were seeking a voice of reason and compassion to turn their life around, who would reach down and help them up....the one who shirked back because of what their friend told them ( you know...the friend who'd never met them or laid eyes on them)? Or would it be the one who took the time to listen and process that person's story? Would the person needing help want someone who's heard their story to respond with honest, clear feedback, or shoo them away because of what's been said about them behind their back. Sure glad Christ didn't do that.
Thirdly, there is a general stance that a husband or spouse should be the one thing "revving" your proverbial sexual engine.....and I agree. First and foremost, your marriage relationship should be strong and founded on Christ. God designed humans to be attracted physically by certain stimuli, THAT we cannot deny. It's what we DO with the follow-up that often leads to destruction. According to C.S. Lewis, "But pleasure, money, power, and safety are all, as far as they go, good things. The badness consists in pursuing them by the wrong method, or in the wrong way, or too much. I do not mean, of course, that the people who do this are not desperately wicked. I do mean that wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness: you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness." Therefore, if after reading 50 Shades (which is still NOT the first or last graphic romance book on the shelves...have you heard of Nora Roberts???) if my "engine is revved" and I grabbed my husband and well....you know. Have I done something wrong? Now if I let the stimuli go to the point where I was turning to pornography or destructive, unhealthy relationships to the extent that I was neglecting my husband, then YES, not good. My point is, you must first take a good hard look at yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, the health of your marriage, but mostly your relationship with Christ. If you sense weakness in any of those areas, maybe work that out before reading something controversial. But being stimulated and turning to your spouse is natural, and I do believe created by God. Don't believe me? Look up and read the Book of Solomon in the Bible.
In conclusion, "judging a book by its cover" is one thing...as long as you are the one picking it up and making the call. We have all been blessed with the ability to discern right and wrong and a very reliable source from which that wisdom flows. Many merely choose to quiet that voice or snuff it out because they think their own voice is louder and they're looking for attention. Think about it, if every non-believer out there was told by someone else "That Bible is all false! It's full of tales and symbolism. It's not real--don't spend time reading it." never picked it up and read it for themselves to make their own judgement, we wouldn't have any non-believers find Christ in the word of God. And the last time I checked, this was a FREE country, and as humans we are able to CHOOSE one way or another, therefore, acknowledge the fact that you have the ability to pick up the book, read it, and if you begin feeling uncomfortable....you can close it, put it down, and never touch it again. At least you will have some hard-core, first hand basis from which to speak an opinion from.
If you're not sure if you can trust yourself to read a book like 50 Shades, then be big enough to admit that and avoid the temptation. Then, get with someone who can walk through that with you and start by reading the word of God. Am I a bad person because I have read the 50 Shades trilogy? I don't think so. Because I took it for what it's worth...words on paper bound together to whisk me away for awhile. If one becomes so enraptured with the characters and plots of a book or movie to the point he/she can't separate that from their own reality...then there's a need to be very discerning with entertainment selections. Furthermore, I'd be looking at it as an opportunity to evaluate what my life focus is...because throwing yourself into a movie or book to the point you can't step back means you're looking to escape to a false reality and not acknowledging your own. I'm just tired of all the judgements being thrown around about the books in general, the author, and the people who do choose to read it, yet they haven't read it themselves. Stop freaking obsessing about it and either decide TO read it or NOT to read it, but whatever you decide...make it your choice based on YOUR values, beliefs, and intelligence, not on hearsay from an unqualified source. From a literary standpoint, not the greatest writing ever...but hey, that's my opinion. Then again, I've actually read it...
In case you didn't know, I am an avid reader. I love reading because of the ability to learn, challenge myself, and slip away for just a bit. I read books from all genres and jump into each book with the "don't judge a book by its cover", open-mind type of perspective.
So let me confirm your burning question....YES...I have read all three books of the Fifty Shades trilogy. YES....I am a Christian, married woman who read these books and I still love Chick-Fil-A too. There are many perfectly amazing people out there who are "taking a stance" against reading 50 Shades, and to those folks I say "Fabulous...kudos to you for landing in one camp on the topic." Most of those folks will go on living in a sensible, peaceful manner because they are smart enough to realize that there are much bigger fish to fry than how many copies of smut are flying off the shelves at their local Barnes & Nobles.
Here's where I get a little cantankerous...if you will. Some folks out there are claiming that the trilogy is solely focused on glorifying BDS&M and borderline, abusive relationships, I ask..."and you've read it, right??!!" A large portion would answer "NO...and I'm proud of it!". Very well, so you're proud of the fact that you based a judgement of a book (which consists of paper, ink, fictitious characters and plots), an author (who's a real person), and the droves of other humans who've read it, merely on what somebody else has said? And you're okay with that?? To that point I say that anyone with any sort of literary wherewithal can see that there are multiple themes throughout the storyline that become much bigger than "all that sex" in the books. It's a story of how something very deep, passionate, and trusting grew out of something intended to be short-lived, shallow, and skin deep. Sounds like society wouldn't like that because of how "hook ups" and "one night stands" have become so commonplace. Moreover, it's a story of how two people challenge each other to face and overcome the skeletons in their closets so that a new, happier ife can be achieved. Last time I checked, loving, caring people did that kind of thing.
Secondly, if you look at the definition of "abuse" it is: to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. Abuse is also indicated by at least one party involved not giving consent to the "abusive" behavior(s), or let alone having a choice in it. Furthermore, it is usually a scenario where the person(s) being abused have any say in the degree, length, or conditions of the behaviors involved. Because I've read the books, I know that this is NOT the case in this story line. Both participants entered into each "interlude" fully informed, by their own accord, AND armed with the ability to stop anything at anytime for any possible reason by the use of one word. That's far more than many alcoholic, drug beaten, physically abusive citizens can say for their relationships. If one of those folks had hit rock bottom and were seeking a voice of reason and compassion to turn their life around, who would reach down and help them up....the one who shirked back because of what their friend told them ( you know...the friend who'd never met them or laid eyes on them)? Or would it be the one who took the time to listen and process that person's story? Would the person needing help want someone who's heard their story to respond with honest, clear feedback, or shoo them away because of what's been said about them behind their back. Sure glad Christ didn't do that.
Thirdly, there is a general stance that a husband or spouse should be the one thing "revving" your proverbial sexual engine.....and I agree. First and foremost, your marriage relationship should be strong and founded on Christ. God designed humans to be attracted physically by certain stimuli, THAT we cannot deny. It's what we DO with the follow-up that often leads to destruction. According to C.S. Lewis, "But pleasure, money, power, and safety are all, as far as they go, good things. The badness consists in pursuing them by the wrong method, or in the wrong way, or too much. I do not mean, of course, that the people who do this are not desperately wicked. I do mean that wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness: you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness." Therefore, if after reading 50 Shades (which is still NOT the first or last graphic romance book on the shelves...have you heard of Nora Roberts???) if my "engine is revved" and I grabbed my husband and well....you know. Have I done something wrong? Now if I let the stimuli go to the point where I was turning to pornography or destructive, unhealthy relationships to the extent that I was neglecting my husband, then YES, not good. My point is, you must first take a good hard look at yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, the health of your marriage, but mostly your relationship with Christ. If you sense weakness in any of those areas, maybe work that out before reading something controversial. But being stimulated and turning to your spouse is natural, and I do believe created by God. Don't believe me? Look up and read the Book of Solomon in the Bible.
In conclusion, "judging a book by its cover" is one thing...as long as you are the one picking it up and making the call. We have all been blessed with the ability to discern right and wrong and a very reliable source from which that wisdom flows. Many merely choose to quiet that voice or snuff it out because they think their own voice is louder and they're looking for attention. Think about it, if every non-believer out there was told by someone else "That Bible is all false! It's full of tales and symbolism. It's not real--don't spend time reading it." never picked it up and read it for themselves to make their own judgement, we wouldn't have any non-believers find Christ in the word of God. And the last time I checked, this was a FREE country, and as humans we are able to CHOOSE one way or another, therefore, acknowledge the fact that you have the ability to pick up the book, read it, and if you begin feeling uncomfortable....you can close it, put it down, and never touch it again. At least you will have some hard-core, first hand basis from which to speak an opinion from.
If you're not sure if you can trust yourself to read a book like 50 Shades, then be big enough to admit that and avoid the temptation. Then, get with someone who can walk through that with you and start by reading the word of God. Am I a bad person because I have read the 50 Shades trilogy? I don't think so. Because I took it for what it's worth...words on paper bound together to whisk me away for awhile. If one becomes so enraptured with the characters and plots of a book or movie to the point he/she can't separate that from their own reality...then there's a need to be very discerning with entertainment selections. Furthermore, I'd be looking at it as an opportunity to evaluate what my life focus is...because throwing yourself into a movie or book to the point you can't step back means you're looking to escape to a false reality and not acknowledging your own. I'm just tired of all the judgements being thrown around about the books in general, the author, and the people who do choose to read it, yet they haven't read it themselves. Stop freaking obsessing about it and either decide TO read it or NOT to read it, but whatever you decide...make it your choice based on YOUR values, beliefs, and intelligence, not on hearsay from an unqualified source. From a literary standpoint, not the greatest writing ever...but hey, that's my opinion. Then again, I've actually read it...
Monday, June 18, 2012
Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover....
Like many of you, I love to read. So much so that my family got me an e-reader for Mother's day. I couldn't have been more excited to dig into every book I could electronically get my hands on! I recently finished reading a book entitled Memoirs Aren't Fairytales: A Story of Addiction by Marni Mann. It was in the "FREE" section on the Amazon books list and since the ability to judge a book by its cover is somewhat hampered by an e-reader, I thought, "Eh, what the heck?".
The main character, Nicole, is painted as any other young adult confused by college and wandering the world. As the story builds, Nicole gradually becomes more and more addicted to drugs, whether it's pills, weed, cocaine, or heroin, she sinks into the abyss of addiction. Her body, mind, spirit, and relationships deteriorate rapidly at the choking hands of her need to "get the next hit". Nicole's addiction brings down many innocent people in its wake and destroys what's left of her life. Addiction swallows every part of her and the pieces of her beautiful, human tapestry go along with it. She ends up hating the person she sees in the mirror and thinking that nobody could love someone who's so dirty, broken, and trashed....she couldn't be further from the truth. My heart broke as I read this because Christ loves her. PERIOD.
I must admit, I started off not really taking this book too seriously. It was something I was just going to do to take a break from the "forbidden trilogy" I had was reading. As I continued reading it though, something occurred to me. Addiction is something each person experiences at some time or another in some way, shape, or form. "HOW DARE YOU!" you might say, but really, stop and think. Addiction doesn't have to be in the form of a drug or something "bad", like us humans, it can be disguised something harmless or even "beneficial". The list is endless: shopping, video games, media, food, exercise, sex, reading, hobbies, cell phones, games, sports, power, authority, gadgets, and on and on and on..... The real question is not what is one addicted to, it's WHY.
The motivation for an addiction is the overall seed that needs to be addressed. Maybe you aren't addicted to exercise because you want to feel good, it's more because you want to be the eye-catching prize everyone looks at. Or maybe shopping is not so much about people-watching, it's more about finding something that someone else doesn't have to get more attention. Is watching ESPN 24/7 merely for the "love of the game" and/or "relaxation" or is it more about what team one is rooting for having "one up" on a team someone else roots for. In the end...no matter what the addiction is, it ends up back at one thing....selfishness.
The seeds of addiction are actually present in all of us. Whether or not they grow is really up to what we feed them. We are crafty creatures and can dress addiction up in pretty phrases like, "I just like to feel good about myself", or "I don't do it that often", or "At least I'm doing it in the comfort of my home...", but it is all really the same thing...divisive. If something causes a repeated debate and division between you and someone you love, push the pause button on your instant "defend" reaction and think..."If this isn't really about me...why do I care so damn much about defending it?". Or better yet, "What am I so afraid of if I don't get my (insert addiction here) today?"
Time is something we can never get back, as well as relationships with those called home before us. Addiction can take away both, even if it is disguised as "good" or "healthy". It takes some real hard work and wearing the proverbial "big boy/girl" panties to acknowledge, accept, and address real possibilities for change. I'm not proposing to clear out things that can do good in your life, I'm merely saying that if it is detrimental to your body (inside you really know it), or if it stands between you and God (or maker), spouse, or family....step back, pause, and reflect. Ask God to reveal the "happy medium" that considers all parties. The chains that bind an anchor to a ship to keep it in safely in place (a good thing), are made of the same material(s) and concept as the ones that chain a slave to its master.
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (Romans 6:16--ESV)
The main character, Nicole, is painted as any other young adult confused by college and wandering the world. As the story builds, Nicole gradually becomes more and more addicted to drugs, whether it's pills, weed, cocaine, or heroin, she sinks into the abyss of addiction. Her body, mind, spirit, and relationships deteriorate rapidly at the choking hands of her need to "get the next hit". Nicole's addiction brings down many innocent people in its wake and destroys what's left of her life. Addiction swallows every part of her and the pieces of her beautiful, human tapestry go along with it. She ends up hating the person she sees in the mirror and thinking that nobody could love someone who's so dirty, broken, and trashed....she couldn't be further from the truth. My heart broke as I read this because Christ loves her. PERIOD.
I must admit, I started off not really taking this book too seriously. It was something I was just going to do to take a break from the "forbidden trilogy" I had was reading. As I continued reading it though, something occurred to me. Addiction is something each person experiences at some time or another in some way, shape, or form. "HOW DARE YOU!" you might say, but really, stop and think. Addiction doesn't have to be in the form of a drug or something "bad", like us humans, it can be disguised something harmless or even "beneficial". The list is endless: shopping, video games, media, food, exercise, sex, reading, hobbies, cell phones, games, sports, power, authority, gadgets, and on and on and on..... The real question is not what is one addicted to, it's WHY.
The motivation for an addiction is the overall seed that needs to be addressed. Maybe you aren't addicted to exercise because you want to feel good, it's more because you want to be the eye-catching prize everyone looks at. Or maybe shopping is not so much about people-watching, it's more about finding something that someone else doesn't have to get more attention. Is watching ESPN 24/7 merely for the "love of the game" and/or "relaxation" or is it more about what team one is rooting for having "one up" on a team someone else roots for. In the end...no matter what the addiction is, it ends up back at one thing....selfishness.
The seeds of addiction are actually present in all of us. Whether or not they grow is really up to what we feed them. We are crafty creatures and can dress addiction up in pretty phrases like, "I just like to feel good about myself", or "I don't do it that often", or "At least I'm doing it in the comfort of my home...", but it is all really the same thing...divisive. If something causes a repeated debate and division between you and someone you love, push the pause button on your instant "defend" reaction and think..."If this isn't really about me...why do I care so damn much about defending it?". Or better yet, "What am I so afraid of if I don't get my (insert addiction here) today?"
Time is something we can never get back, as well as relationships with those called home before us. Addiction can take away both, even if it is disguised as "good" or "healthy". It takes some real hard work and wearing the proverbial "big boy/girl" panties to acknowledge, accept, and address real possibilities for change. I'm not proposing to clear out things that can do good in your life, I'm merely saying that if it is detrimental to your body (inside you really know it), or if it stands between you and God (or maker), spouse, or family....step back, pause, and reflect. Ask God to reveal the "happy medium" that considers all parties. The chains that bind an anchor to a ship to keep it in safely in place (a good thing), are made of the same material(s) and concept as the ones that chain a slave to its master.
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (Romans 6:16--ESV)
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