It's easier said than done, isn't it? I mean, to forgive AND forget is really a tall order. Don't you agree? We live in a society where it's ok to do something that is hurtful or damaging to someone so long as we round it off with a seemingly heartfelt, "I'm sorry!"
But when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, 'I'm sorry' is just the combination of two individual words. It's the meaning of those two words combined that has been lost amidst a world full of wrong-doing, hate, hurt, and pointing fingers. We've created an environment where we can quickly excuse our actions or the actions of others so long as it's followed up with an 'I'm sorry.' We take very little time, if any, to truly weigh and evaluate the genuine meaning and intention of those words. When someone says 'I'm sorry' the most common response is, 'It's ok.' But when you stop and think of the implications and effect of someone's actions or words, is it really ok? Anyone can say 'I'm sorry,' but it takes more to follow that with asking for forgiveness.
So here's the next question....what does forgiveness mean? Seriously, what does it look like for you? Is it something that has a unique meaning to each of us? Webster's dictionary defines it as "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)." Furthermore, it says "to give up resentment or claim to requital." Wikipedia says this about forgiveness:
"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well."
That's a tall order, right? That's why forgiveness is so different than simply excusing or condoning ones actions or words. It's more than pardoning it for the moment, it's truly is acknowledging it, reconciling it, and letting it go.
For those that follow Christ, the Bible states time and time again that Christ is the atonement by which God forgives his children of all their sins. In Hebrews 8:12 and Hebrews 10:18, it says that because Christ was and is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, we are truly forgiven and that there is not recollection or record of our sins. Every time we come to God or He looks at us and our hearts, it's no longer filtered through our sins, but through the pure love and sacrifice of Christ and what He did on the cross.
So what does forgiveness mean to you? Does it truly mean to forgive AND forget? If not, then maybe it's ok for you to respond an 'I'm sorry' with a simple 'it's ok.' But if offering forgiveness, true forgiveness, maybe it means that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves to ensure that our offenders are seen in a perfect, clean light. It means willingly removing the filter through which we view them by their offenses to a filter where they've done no wrong. Obviously, this takes an immense amount of trust and wisdom. God certainly doesn't want us to be foolish either!
Offering forgiveness doesn't have to mean that you repair or reconcile every broken relationship where someone has done wrong. But it does mean that you forgive the offender and reconcile your heart. It means letting go of the right to be angry about it and the foothold of resentment. It means replacing the filter and seeing them as God sees them, and respecting and honoring their placement in your life. You don't have to be buddy-buddy with your ex, or besties with the best friend that hurt you deeply, but forgiving them means you are replacing the filter through which you view them. It means that you let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, revenge, and gunny-sacking. It means trusting that God will direct their placement and how close they are to you in your life.
True, genuine forgiveness is far more intense and beautiful than a simple 'I'm sorry.' It's a deep, rich peace that leads to strength and healing. Through forgiveness both you and those that have done wrong experience freedom. So again I ask you, is it a tall order for you to forgive and forget?