It's easier said than done, isn't it? I mean, to forgive AND forget is really a tall order. Don't you agree? We live in a society where it's ok to do something that is hurtful or damaging to someone so long as we round it off with a seemingly heartfelt, "I'm sorry!"
But when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, 'I'm sorry' is just the combination of two individual words. It's the meaning of those two words combined that has been lost amidst a world full of wrong-doing, hate, hurt, and pointing fingers. We've created an environment where we can quickly excuse our actions or the actions of others so long as it's followed up with an 'I'm sorry.' We take very little time, if any, to truly weigh and evaluate the genuine meaning and intention of those words. When someone says 'I'm sorry' the most common response is, 'It's ok.' But when you stop and think of the implications and effect of someone's actions or words, is it really ok? Anyone can say 'I'm sorry,' but it takes more to follow that with asking for forgiveness.
So here's the next question....what does forgiveness mean? Seriously, what does it look like for you? Is it something that has a unique meaning to each of us? Webster's dictionary defines it as "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)." Furthermore, it says "to give up resentment or claim to requital." Wikipedia says this about forgiveness:
"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well."
That's a tall order, right? That's why forgiveness is so different than simply excusing or condoning ones actions or words. It's more than pardoning it for the moment, it's truly is acknowledging it, reconciling it, and letting it go.
For those that follow Christ, the Bible states time and time again that Christ is the atonement by which God forgives his children of all their sins. In Hebrews 8:12 and Hebrews 10:18, it says that because Christ was and is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, we are truly forgiven and that there is not recollection or record of our sins. Every time we come to God or He looks at us and our hearts, it's no longer filtered through our sins, but through the pure love and sacrifice of Christ and what He did on the cross.
So what does forgiveness mean to you? Does it truly mean to forgive AND forget? If not, then maybe it's ok for you to respond an 'I'm sorry' with a simple 'it's ok.' But if offering forgiveness, true forgiveness, maybe it means that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves to ensure that our offenders are seen in a perfect, clean light. It means willingly removing the filter through which we view them by their offenses to a filter where they've done no wrong. Obviously, this takes an immense amount of trust and wisdom. God certainly doesn't want us to be foolish either!
Offering forgiveness doesn't have to mean that you repair or reconcile every broken relationship where someone has done wrong. But it does mean that you forgive the offender and reconcile your heart. It means letting go of the right to be angry about it and the foothold of resentment. It means replacing the filter and seeing them as God sees them, and respecting and honoring their placement in your life. You don't have to be buddy-buddy with your ex, or besties with the best friend that hurt you deeply, but forgiving them means you are replacing the filter through which you view them. It means that you let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, revenge, and gunny-sacking. It means trusting that God will direct their placement and how close they are to you in your life.
True, genuine forgiveness is far more intense and beautiful than a simple 'I'm sorry.' It's a deep, rich peace that leads to strength and healing. Through forgiveness both you and those that have done wrong experience freedom. So again I ask you, is it a tall order for you to forgive and forget?
Friday, December 1, 2017
Friday, April 7, 2017
Mirror, Mirror
Truthfully, I’ve sat here for way too long trying to figure out how to even begin crafting my thoughts into words. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some matters of the heart and mutterings of the soul that even the written word cannot capture.
However, I’m going to give it my best shot. When I was a kid, I would ride along in the car and look at the side view mirrors reading that statement, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” over and over again. I would sit and ponder why it mattered how big they were because the most important thing was that they were there at all! PERIOD. Remember that scene from Jurassic Park when they’re trying to escape the very large and carnivorous T-Rex? One of the passengers in the vehicle looks in the side view mirror and sees the T-Rex chasing after them. Even then the statement about the objects is on the mirror! If you look in your rear view mirror and see a very large, dangerous, and man-eating animal chasing you, you need not worry about the size, you need to worry about the fact that it’s chasing you at all.
I’ve learned this the hard way in life. Many times I would look in a side view mirror, or even one in front of me, and I would assess a size or value to them. Some of the things were good things but because they didn’t look big enough I didn’t keep them close enough to me. Other things were not so good. They were/are the T-Rex chasing me. And then I have found myself not looking in the mirror at all because out of sight is out of mind, right?
It’s the things all around our lives that we choose to either draw closer to or simply justify away and ignore. I have found that I often spend more time trying to justify things into my own understanding to better fit MY will. That has managed to get me hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and feeling unworthy. And knowing the difference between right and wrong really IS a powerful thing. (My mom and dad should be proud.) At the end of the day, I am learning that some people are just fine being the T-Rex while others spend their lives running from a T-Rex. I’m choosing not to be either one.
Why? Because when I embrace the good things and draw them closer to me their size doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that they’re there at all that matters. Suddenly their size becomes less relevant because it’s more important that they’re reflected in my mirror at all. All of this requires letting go and giving in. Mark my words, this is NOT easy. But letting go of the T-Rex that you’ve clung to for so long means more room for embracing something that’s a better reflection in your life. And giving in and giving up are two very different things. Giving UP has an implied sense of hopelessness, defeat, and failure. But giving in comes with an inherent trust that requires surrendering to something you can’t see or touch because HOPE is a better reflection.
Faith calls us to look at what is reflected in our mirrors and make some tough choices. Sometimes faith calls us to let go of something we’ve thought to be good for a long time. Sometimes faith calls you to be the light amongst the darkness. Sometimes faith calls us to be the balance on the scale of right and wrong. Sometimes faith calls us to trust just a little bit longer. Whatever it calls me to do, I’m going to do it.
However, I’m going to give it my best shot. When I was a kid, I would ride along in the car and look at the side view mirrors reading that statement, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” over and over again. I would sit and ponder why it mattered how big they were because the most important thing was that they were there at all! PERIOD. Remember that scene from Jurassic Park when they’re trying to escape the very large and carnivorous T-Rex? One of the passengers in the vehicle looks in the side view mirror and sees the T-Rex chasing after them. Even then the statement about the objects is on the mirror! If you look in your rear view mirror and see a very large, dangerous, and man-eating animal chasing you, you need not worry about the size, you need to worry about the fact that it’s chasing you at all.
I’ve learned this the hard way in life. Many times I would look in a side view mirror, or even one in front of me, and I would assess a size or value to them. Some of the things were good things but because they didn’t look big enough I didn’t keep them close enough to me. Other things were not so good. They were/are the T-Rex chasing me. And then I have found myself not looking in the mirror at all because out of sight is out of mind, right?
It’s the things all around our lives that we choose to either draw closer to or simply justify away and ignore. I have found that I often spend more time trying to justify things into my own understanding to better fit MY will. That has managed to get me hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and feeling unworthy. And knowing the difference between right and wrong really IS a powerful thing. (My mom and dad should be proud.) At the end of the day, I am learning that some people are just fine being the T-Rex while others spend their lives running from a T-Rex. I’m choosing not to be either one.
Why? Because when I embrace the good things and draw them closer to me their size doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that they’re there at all that matters. Suddenly their size becomes less relevant because it’s more important that they’re reflected in my mirror at all. All of this requires letting go and giving in. Mark my words, this is NOT easy. But letting go of the T-Rex that you’ve clung to for so long means more room for embracing something that’s a better reflection in your life. And giving in and giving up are two very different things. Giving UP has an implied sense of hopelessness, defeat, and failure. But giving in comes with an inherent trust that requires surrendering to something you can’t see or touch because HOPE is a better reflection.
Faith calls us to look at what is reflected in our mirrors and make some tough choices. Sometimes faith calls us to let go of something we’ve thought to be good for a long time. Sometimes faith calls you to be the light amongst the darkness. Sometimes faith calls us to be the balance on the scale of right and wrong. Sometimes faith calls us to trust just a little bit longer. Whatever it calls me to do, I’m going to do it.
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