For generations, we have been teaching our kids to "use their words" and employ creative resolution strategies. Parents, teachers, school counselors....they help children understand and combat bullying. However, as adults we've developed our own ways to get our jabs in and emotionally manipulate those around us in order to satisfy our own selfish desires. Facebook, Twitter, texting, email, and other media outlets were created as a means to connect people and build community, yet what we've effectively created with these tools is a culture of cowards.
Nowhere is this more apparent than Facebook itself. Once revered a resource to connect old friends and loved ones, Facebook has now become an emotional and psychological battleground. Couples use it as a public forum to publicly display the details of their relationship conflicts. Why? Because it gives a false sense of empowerment through strength in numbers. Let's face it, the more comments received on a post makes one feel like he/she has more people on his/her side. Friends use it as a way to upstage one another and subtly promote themselves. It's become a venue to brag about the newest this or that, or tear down another's choice in sports teams because it just a little bit safer than doing it to one's face. Community? Definitely not.
In an effort to promote community and communication, we've removed one of two necessary ingredients for communication....listening. Husbands and wives, significant others, and family members should be talking AND listening with each other within a home, not at keyboard. Friends support and build each other up when gathering together to celebrate a great achievement or help someone through a low point. There is far more power and community created when we sit down face-to-face to talk and listen to each other. Using Facebook, or other social media outlets, as such does not give the empowerment one might think, but rather a public venue to display the cowardice in people. If we're truly honest with ourselves, it is far easier to spout off a hateful and/or ambiguous post and hit the power button than it is to first hit the power button, sit down, and communicate with one another face-to-face. However, in terms of results, the latter has proven to be much more effective.
Texting is another way we create walls rather than tearing them down. At their irreducible minimum, texts are merely black and white words that are left open to interpretation....or misinterpretation. Carefully choosing the word(s) that will have the most dramatic impact or sting is explained away as "just being honest." Using a period versus an exclamation mark denotes a pointed statement of fact versus a happy, playful statement. Texting also allows us the opportunity to pause or delay responding....or just flat ignore it too. Using our phones to send texts is actually contradictory to it's original purpose....talking.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that all Facebook, texting, chat rooms, email, etc. is bad; however, I am suggesting that we've made it easier to not be honest with each other. We resort to false modes of communication because many of us feel that we can no longer be honest with each other in-person. Why? Because so many people emotionally bully others and don't converse, but rather manipulate with guilt, anger, and snide remarks. It's commonplace for some to control others and the conversation with the use of one's reactions and moods. Because people have found this route to be somewhat successful many times, if you could call it that, they continue to utilize it thinking they've found a way. However, what they don't realize is that they've created an atmosphere of dishonesty and resentment so everyone just gives in because nobody wants to share how they really feel because they don't want to deal with the other's moods and/or reactions. How lame is THAT?! If we spent half the time and energy creating a safe, respectful stage for real, honest communication that we do with false, cowardly jabs, we'd waste far less precious time. We'd have genuine, intentional time together that promotes healing and encouragement. Our time together would leave us feeling energized, loved, and supported rather than drained, beat down, and inadequate. We'd build communities founded on authentic, sincere relationships where we can tell someone something difficult and do so with tact, respect, and encouragement. Our conversations wouldn't stop at the telling of something difficult, but rather start there and end with how we can help each other to overcome it and better the health of the relationship going forward.
As humans, we're naturally wired to compete. However, competing with our friends and loved ones under the guise of friendship or "heathy competition" is manipulative and is an outward sign of insecurity. Instead of understated attempts to remedy that insecurity, we need to be able to talk to one another about it and ask for help and support from each other to overcome it. Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to be honest and genuine with each other. We've disabled our natural ability to connect with others because we can easily put a phone, computer, or video game controller in the middle and then hide behind the power key. Our culture reveres it as funny or "hip" to read through someone's latest slam on Facebook, but all we've done is effectively created a culture of cowards.
