Love. A simple, four-letter word that holds more meaning and weight than most of us can fathom in a lifetime. Love. Simple, yet so complicated.
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." -I John 4:18
Fear. Another simple, four-letter word that most of us know more intimately than love. Quite the oxy moron, right? Fear drives us to do or not do so many things. Fear often becomes a way for one person to manipulate another, and call it "love". Pretty soon what is disguised as love, no matter the context of the relationship, becomes a crumbling facade underneath slowly (or quickly) being eroded by the fast-moving waters of fear. Fear tells you that you need to lie because the people around you will think less of you if they know the truth. When in actuality, if those people truly love you, they love you for you, not your self-perceived imperfections. Fear will continue to send you up the river by making you slowly feel like you can't trust those you love with the truth of what you've done. Fear creates a cycle of abuse, often one that we inflict upon ourselves. Once we get exhausted from running around in that cycle, we give fear a new link in the chain by pulling in others. We fear being alone, or of admitting the need to let go of someone we care about, so through manipulation we reel others back to our cycle for a little while, until something else distracts us. But, we've done all of this under the guise we so flippantly call "love".
Love. Perfect love. It's NOT the kind of love fairy tales are laced with. It's not what you feel for your sweet little puppy. It's not what creates the star-crossed "love at first sight" you had with Miss Lovely or Mr. Blue Eyes from across the room at a frat party in college. Perfect love is what exists between our Father in Heaven and his children. We are charged by Him to follow his example in all of our relationships and that means loving without fear. Perfect love is when a spouse can empty their soul of all fear, lay down all mistakes, and trust that their significant other is going trudge up the steep hill they're facing, side-by-side, rather than sneaking out the door. Perfect love is when a parent lets go of a child so they can learn to stand alone. Though the parent knows they're going to falter and hurt at times, they can both trust that it is love that binds them, not the mistakes they make.
What are you afraid of? Ask yourself, WHY do you fear it? Life has many things to fear, but your relationship with God and your loved ones should not be one that incites fear. If it does, I challenge you to look into your heart and the nature of those relationships because what you are experiencing is not perfect love...therefore, you're going to remain caught in a cycle of deterioration. The only way to change that is to commit to building a shelter for perfect love to dwell in. If you can't make the next step in life because you fear the unknown, remember, it's only unknown to YOU for the time being. God sees, knows, and controls everything in his own PERFECT time. Perfect love sets you free; perfect love embraces you...all of you. If you offer "love", be respectful of its weight. Christ shed his perfect love for his children on the cross, drop by perfect drop. Then, he continued to show his love by blessing us beyond measure.
So, who have you trusted with perfect love? Or are you still fearing what that means?
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
50 Shades of...Get the Facts Straight....
Alright, enough is enough.
In case you didn't know, I am an avid reader. I love reading because of the ability to learn, challenge myself, and slip away for just a bit. I read books from all genres and jump into each book with the "don't judge a book by its cover", open-mind type of perspective.
So let me confirm your burning question....YES...I have read all three books of the Fifty Shades trilogy. YES....I am a Christian, married woman who read these books and I still love Chick-Fil-A too. There are many perfectly amazing people out there who are "taking a stance" against reading 50 Shades, and to those folks I say "Fabulous...kudos to you for landing in one camp on the topic." Most of those folks will go on living in a sensible, peaceful manner because they are smart enough to realize that there are much bigger fish to fry than how many copies of smut are flying off the shelves at their local Barnes & Nobles.
Here's where I get a little cantankerous...if you will. Some folks out there are claiming that the trilogy is solely focused on glorifying BDS&M and borderline, abusive relationships, I ask..."and you've read it, right??!!" A large portion would answer "NO...and I'm proud of it!". Very well, so you're proud of the fact that you based a judgement of a book (which consists of paper, ink, fictitious characters and plots), an author (who's a real person), and the droves of other humans who've read it, merely on what somebody else has said? And you're okay with that?? To that point I say that anyone with any sort of literary wherewithal can see that there are multiple themes throughout the storyline that become much bigger than "all that sex" in the books. It's a story of how something very deep, passionate, and trusting grew out of something intended to be short-lived, shallow, and skin deep. Sounds like society wouldn't like that because of how "hook ups" and "one night stands" have become so commonplace. Moreover, it's a story of how two people challenge each other to face and overcome the skeletons in their closets so that a new, happier ife can be achieved. Last time I checked, loving, caring people did that kind of thing.
Secondly, if you look at the definition of "abuse" it is: to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. Abuse is also indicated by at least one party involved not giving consent to the "abusive" behavior(s), or let alone having a choice in it. Furthermore, it is usually a scenario where the person(s) being abused have any say in the degree, length, or conditions of the behaviors involved. Because I've read the books, I know that this is NOT the case in this story line. Both participants entered into each "interlude" fully informed, by their own accord, AND armed with the ability to stop anything at anytime for any possible reason by the use of one word. That's far more than many alcoholic, drug beaten, physically abusive citizens can say for their relationships. If one of those folks had hit rock bottom and were seeking a voice of reason and compassion to turn their life around, who would reach down and help them up....the one who shirked back because of what their friend told them ( you know...the friend who'd never met them or laid eyes on them)? Or would it be the one who took the time to listen and process that person's story? Would the person needing help want someone who's heard their story to respond with honest, clear feedback, or shoo them away because of what's been said about them behind their back. Sure glad Christ didn't do that.
Thirdly, there is a general stance that a husband or spouse should be the one thing "revving" your proverbial sexual engine.....and I agree. First and foremost, your marriage relationship should be strong and founded on Christ. God designed humans to be attracted physically by certain stimuli, THAT we cannot deny. It's what we DO with the follow-up that often leads to destruction. According to C.S. Lewis, "But pleasure, money, power, and safety are all, as far as they go, good things. The badness consists in pursuing them by the wrong method, or in the wrong way, or too much. I do not mean, of course, that the people who do this are not desperately wicked. I do mean that wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness: you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness." Therefore, if after reading 50 Shades (which is still NOT the first or last graphic romance book on the shelves...have you heard of Nora Roberts???) if my "engine is revved" and I grabbed my husband and well....you know. Have I done something wrong? Now if I let the stimuli go to the point where I was turning to pornography or destructive, unhealthy relationships to the extent that I was neglecting my husband, then YES, not good. My point is, you must first take a good hard look at yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, the health of your marriage, but mostly your relationship with Christ. If you sense weakness in any of those areas, maybe work that out before reading something controversial. But being stimulated and turning to your spouse is natural, and I do believe created by God. Don't believe me? Look up and read the Book of Solomon in the Bible.
In conclusion, "judging a book by its cover" is one thing...as long as you are the one picking it up and making the call. We have all been blessed with the ability to discern right and wrong and a very reliable source from which that wisdom flows. Many merely choose to quiet that voice or snuff it out because they think their own voice is louder and they're looking for attention. Think about it, if every non-believer out there was told by someone else "That Bible is all false! It's full of tales and symbolism. It's not real--don't spend time reading it." never picked it up and read it for themselves to make their own judgement, we wouldn't have any non-believers find Christ in the word of God. And the last time I checked, this was a FREE country, and as humans we are able to CHOOSE one way or another, therefore, acknowledge the fact that you have the ability to pick up the book, read it, and if you begin feeling uncomfortable....you can close it, put it down, and never touch it again. At least you will have some hard-core, first hand basis from which to speak an opinion from.
If you're not sure if you can trust yourself to read a book like 50 Shades, then be big enough to admit that and avoid the temptation. Then, get with someone who can walk through that with you and start by reading the word of God. Am I a bad person because I have read the 50 Shades trilogy? I don't think so. Because I took it for what it's worth...words on paper bound together to whisk me away for awhile. If one becomes so enraptured with the characters and plots of a book or movie to the point he/she can't separate that from their own reality...then there's a need to be very discerning with entertainment selections. Furthermore, I'd be looking at it as an opportunity to evaluate what my life focus is...because throwing yourself into a movie or book to the point you can't step back means you're looking to escape to a false reality and not acknowledging your own. I'm just tired of all the judgements being thrown around about the books in general, the author, and the people who do choose to read it, yet they haven't read it themselves. Stop freaking obsessing about it and either decide TO read it or NOT to read it, but whatever you decide...make it your choice based on YOUR values, beliefs, and intelligence, not on hearsay from an unqualified source. From a literary standpoint, not the greatest writing ever...but hey, that's my opinion. Then again, I've actually read it...
In case you didn't know, I am an avid reader. I love reading because of the ability to learn, challenge myself, and slip away for just a bit. I read books from all genres and jump into each book with the "don't judge a book by its cover", open-mind type of perspective.
So let me confirm your burning question....YES...I have read all three books of the Fifty Shades trilogy. YES....I am a Christian, married woman who read these books and I still love Chick-Fil-A too. There are many perfectly amazing people out there who are "taking a stance" against reading 50 Shades, and to those folks I say "Fabulous...kudos to you for landing in one camp on the topic." Most of those folks will go on living in a sensible, peaceful manner because they are smart enough to realize that there are much bigger fish to fry than how many copies of smut are flying off the shelves at their local Barnes & Nobles.
Here's where I get a little cantankerous...if you will. Some folks out there are claiming that the trilogy is solely focused on glorifying BDS&M and borderline, abusive relationships, I ask..."and you've read it, right??!!" A large portion would answer "NO...and I'm proud of it!". Very well, so you're proud of the fact that you based a judgement of a book (which consists of paper, ink, fictitious characters and plots), an author (who's a real person), and the droves of other humans who've read it, merely on what somebody else has said? And you're okay with that?? To that point I say that anyone with any sort of literary wherewithal can see that there are multiple themes throughout the storyline that become much bigger than "all that sex" in the books. It's a story of how something very deep, passionate, and trusting grew out of something intended to be short-lived, shallow, and skin deep. Sounds like society wouldn't like that because of how "hook ups" and "one night stands" have become so commonplace. Moreover, it's a story of how two people challenge each other to face and overcome the skeletons in their closets so that a new, happier ife can be achieved. Last time I checked, loving, caring people did that kind of thing.
Secondly, if you look at the definition of "abuse" it is: to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way. Abuse is also indicated by at least one party involved not giving consent to the "abusive" behavior(s), or let alone having a choice in it. Furthermore, it is usually a scenario where the person(s) being abused have any say in the degree, length, or conditions of the behaviors involved. Because I've read the books, I know that this is NOT the case in this story line. Both participants entered into each "interlude" fully informed, by their own accord, AND armed with the ability to stop anything at anytime for any possible reason by the use of one word. That's far more than many alcoholic, drug beaten, physically abusive citizens can say for their relationships. If one of those folks had hit rock bottom and were seeking a voice of reason and compassion to turn their life around, who would reach down and help them up....the one who shirked back because of what their friend told them ( you know...the friend who'd never met them or laid eyes on them)? Or would it be the one who took the time to listen and process that person's story? Would the person needing help want someone who's heard their story to respond with honest, clear feedback, or shoo them away because of what's been said about them behind their back. Sure glad Christ didn't do that.
Thirdly, there is a general stance that a husband or spouse should be the one thing "revving" your proverbial sexual engine.....and I agree. First and foremost, your marriage relationship should be strong and founded on Christ. God designed humans to be attracted physically by certain stimuli, THAT we cannot deny. It's what we DO with the follow-up that often leads to destruction. According to C.S. Lewis, "But pleasure, money, power, and safety are all, as far as they go, good things. The badness consists in pursuing them by the wrong method, or in the wrong way, or too much. I do not mean, of course, that the people who do this are not desperately wicked. I do mean that wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way. You can be good for the mere sake of goodness: you cannot be bad for the mere sake of badness." Therefore, if after reading 50 Shades (which is still NOT the first or last graphic romance book on the shelves...have you heard of Nora Roberts???) if my "engine is revved" and I grabbed my husband and well....you know. Have I done something wrong? Now if I let the stimuli go to the point where I was turning to pornography or destructive, unhealthy relationships to the extent that I was neglecting my husband, then YES, not good. My point is, you must first take a good hard look at yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, the health of your marriage, but mostly your relationship with Christ. If you sense weakness in any of those areas, maybe work that out before reading something controversial. But being stimulated and turning to your spouse is natural, and I do believe created by God. Don't believe me? Look up and read the Book of Solomon in the Bible.
In conclusion, "judging a book by its cover" is one thing...as long as you are the one picking it up and making the call. We have all been blessed with the ability to discern right and wrong and a very reliable source from which that wisdom flows. Many merely choose to quiet that voice or snuff it out because they think their own voice is louder and they're looking for attention. Think about it, if every non-believer out there was told by someone else "That Bible is all false! It's full of tales and symbolism. It's not real--don't spend time reading it." never picked it up and read it for themselves to make their own judgement, we wouldn't have any non-believers find Christ in the word of God. And the last time I checked, this was a FREE country, and as humans we are able to CHOOSE one way or another, therefore, acknowledge the fact that you have the ability to pick up the book, read it, and if you begin feeling uncomfortable....you can close it, put it down, and never touch it again. At least you will have some hard-core, first hand basis from which to speak an opinion from.
If you're not sure if you can trust yourself to read a book like 50 Shades, then be big enough to admit that and avoid the temptation. Then, get with someone who can walk through that with you and start by reading the word of God. Am I a bad person because I have read the 50 Shades trilogy? I don't think so. Because I took it for what it's worth...words on paper bound together to whisk me away for awhile. If one becomes so enraptured with the characters and plots of a book or movie to the point he/she can't separate that from their own reality...then there's a need to be very discerning with entertainment selections. Furthermore, I'd be looking at it as an opportunity to evaluate what my life focus is...because throwing yourself into a movie or book to the point you can't step back means you're looking to escape to a false reality and not acknowledging your own. I'm just tired of all the judgements being thrown around about the books in general, the author, and the people who do choose to read it, yet they haven't read it themselves. Stop freaking obsessing about it and either decide TO read it or NOT to read it, but whatever you decide...make it your choice based on YOUR values, beliefs, and intelligence, not on hearsay from an unqualified source. From a literary standpoint, not the greatest writing ever...but hey, that's my opinion. Then again, I've actually read it...
Monday, June 18, 2012
Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover....
Like many of you, I love to read. So much so that my family got me an e-reader for Mother's day. I couldn't have been more excited to dig into every book I could electronically get my hands on! I recently finished reading a book entitled Memoirs Aren't Fairytales: A Story of Addiction by Marni Mann. It was in the "FREE" section on the Amazon books list and since the ability to judge a book by its cover is somewhat hampered by an e-reader, I thought, "Eh, what the heck?".
The main character, Nicole, is painted as any other young adult confused by college and wandering the world. As the story builds, Nicole gradually becomes more and more addicted to drugs, whether it's pills, weed, cocaine, or heroin, she sinks into the abyss of addiction. Her body, mind, spirit, and relationships deteriorate rapidly at the choking hands of her need to "get the next hit". Nicole's addiction brings down many innocent people in its wake and destroys what's left of her life. Addiction swallows every part of her and the pieces of her beautiful, human tapestry go along with it. She ends up hating the person she sees in the mirror and thinking that nobody could love someone who's so dirty, broken, and trashed....she couldn't be further from the truth. My heart broke as I read this because Christ loves her. PERIOD.
I must admit, I started off not really taking this book too seriously. It was something I was just going to do to take a break from the "forbidden trilogy" I had was reading. As I continued reading it though, something occurred to me. Addiction is something each person experiences at some time or another in some way, shape, or form. "HOW DARE YOU!" you might say, but really, stop and think. Addiction doesn't have to be in the form of a drug or something "bad", like us humans, it can be disguised something harmless or even "beneficial". The list is endless: shopping, video games, media, food, exercise, sex, reading, hobbies, cell phones, games, sports, power, authority, gadgets, and on and on and on..... The real question is not what is one addicted to, it's WHY.
The motivation for an addiction is the overall seed that needs to be addressed. Maybe you aren't addicted to exercise because you want to feel good, it's more because you want to be the eye-catching prize everyone looks at. Or maybe shopping is not so much about people-watching, it's more about finding something that someone else doesn't have to get more attention. Is watching ESPN 24/7 merely for the "love of the game" and/or "relaxation" or is it more about what team one is rooting for having "one up" on a team someone else roots for. In the end...no matter what the addiction is, it ends up back at one thing....selfishness.
The seeds of addiction are actually present in all of us. Whether or not they grow is really up to what we feed them. We are crafty creatures and can dress addiction up in pretty phrases like, "I just like to feel good about myself", or "I don't do it that often", or "At least I'm doing it in the comfort of my home...", but it is all really the same thing...divisive. If something causes a repeated debate and division between you and someone you love, push the pause button on your instant "defend" reaction and think..."If this isn't really about me...why do I care so damn much about defending it?". Or better yet, "What am I so afraid of if I don't get my (insert addiction here) today?"
Time is something we can never get back, as well as relationships with those called home before us. Addiction can take away both, even if it is disguised as "good" or "healthy". It takes some real hard work and wearing the proverbial "big boy/girl" panties to acknowledge, accept, and address real possibilities for change. I'm not proposing to clear out things that can do good in your life, I'm merely saying that if it is detrimental to your body (inside you really know it), or if it stands between you and God (or maker), spouse, or family....step back, pause, and reflect. Ask God to reveal the "happy medium" that considers all parties. The chains that bind an anchor to a ship to keep it in safely in place (a good thing), are made of the same material(s) and concept as the ones that chain a slave to its master.
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (Romans 6:16--ESV)
The main character, Nicole, is painted as any other young adult confused by college and wandering the world. As the story builds, Nicole gradually becomes more and more addicted to drugs, whether it's pills, weed, cocaine, or heroin, she sinks into the abyss of addiction. Her body, mind, spirit, and relationships deteriorate rapidly at the choking hands of her need to "get the next hit". Nicole's addiction brings down many innocent people in its wake and destroys what's left of her life. Addiction swallows every part of her and the pieces of her beautiful, human tapestry go along with it. She ends up hating the person she sees in the mirror and thinking that nobody could love someone who's so dirty, broken, and trashed....she couldn't be further from the truth. My heart broke as I read this because Christ loves her. PERIOD.
I must admit, I started off not really taking this book too seriously. It was something I was just going to do to take a break from the "forbidden trilogy" I had was reading. As I continued reading it though, something occurred to me. Addiction is something each person experiences at some time or another in some way, shape, or form. "HOW DARE YOU!" you might say, but really, stop and think. Addiction doesn't have to be in the form of a drug or something "bad", like us humans, it can be disguised something harmless or even "beneficial". The list is endless: shopping, video games, media, food, exercise, sex, reading, hobbies, cell phones, games, sports, power, authority, gadgets, and on and on and on..... The real question is not what is one addicted to, it's WHY.
The motivation for an addiction is the overall seed that needs to be addressed. Maybe you aren't addicted to exercise because you want to feel good, it's more because you want to be the eye-catching prize everyone looks at. Or maybe shopping is not so much about people-watching, it's more about finding something that someone else doesn't have to get more attention. Is watching ESPN 24/7 merely for the "love of the game" and/or "relaxation" or is it more about what team one is rooting for having "one up" on a team someone else roots for. In the end...no matter what the addiction is, it ends up back at one thing....selfishness.
The seeds of addiction are actually present in all of us. Whether or not they grow is really up to what we feed them. We are crafty creatures and can dress addiction up in pretty phrases like, "I just like to feel good about myself", or "I don't do it that often", or "At least I'm doing it in the comfort of my home...", but it is all really the same thing...divisive. If something causes a repeated debate and division between you and someone you love, push the pause button on your instant "defend" reaction and think..."If this isn't really about me...why do I care so damn much about defending it?". Or better yet, "What am I so afraid of if I don't get my (insert addiction here) today?"
Time is something we can never get back, as well as relationships with those called home before us. Addiction can take away both, even if it is disguised as "good" or "healthy". It takes some real hard work and wearing the proverbial "big boy/girl" panties to acknowledge, accept, and address real possibilities for change. I'm not proposing to clear out things that can do good in your life, I'm merely saying that if it is detrimental to your body (inside you really know it), or if it stands between you and God (or maker), spouse, or family....step back, pause, and reflect. Ask God to reveal the "happy medium" that considers all parties. The chains that bind an anchor to a ship to keep it in safely in place (a good thing), are made of the same material(s) and concept as the ones that chain a slave to its master.
"Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (Romans 6:16--ESV)
Friday, February 10, 2012
Begin
Fallen, amongst the dirt and shame
Aching, longing to leave the blame
Inside I die for truth and peace,
One touch from you, the sins' release
From the dark my life begins
Holy water cleanse my sins
At your feet my heart must dance
Against all evil, strong in stance
Oh Father, bless your holy name
My life can never be the same
The road not seen, no cause to fear
Through your word, my path is clear
Lord, your mercy falls on me
Your hands reach out and pull me close
"Come home", you say, "for you are mine"
"You're a part of my design."
Aching, longing to leave the blame
Inside I die for truth and peace,
One touch from you, the sins' release
From the dark my life begins
Holy water cleanse my sins
At your feet my heart must dance
Against all evil, strong in stance
Oh Father, bless your holy name
My life can never be the same
The road not seen, no cause to fear
Through your word, my path is clear
Lord, your mercy falls on me
Your hands reach out and pull me close
"Come home", you say, "for you are mine"
"You're a part of my design."
Sunday, February 5, 2012
STS...Spewing Toothpaste Syndrome
You've all seen it....the goo that oozes from a tube of toothpaste like a glob of a well-intentioned formula that has lost its purpose now that it slinks out of the tube onto your beautiful bathroom counter top. No matter how many sparkles, stripes or brilliant shades of the rainbow the toothpaste is comprised of, it loses its luster and appeal for clean, sparkley teeth once it is blobbing all over your clean counter. It can't go back in the tube, it can't be used because....eeewww, and it serves as an irritating reminder of how much you paid for that goo in a tube. You are now the latest victim of STS...or what I call "Spewing Toothpaste Syndrome".
I once had a Pastor when I was very young, Reverend Tom, who was an amazing, Godly man who was very instrumental in my development as a Christian. Every Sunday before delivering the "big guys sermon", he would call all of the children to the front of the church to sit around him and do the children's sermon, then releasing us all for Children's Church. One sermon in particular I remind myself of on a very regular basis. He talked to us about how the things we allow to come out of our mouths have great impact on people, and act much like that of toothpaste. Once it's out, it's out and it is NOT going back in. You can wipe it up and try to act like it didn't happen, but no matter how hard you try, a little less toothpaste exists in the tube and it didn't even go to good use. He further illustrated that when you are pointing your finger at someone, there are three of your own pointing back at you.
As adults, we have all experienced STS. We've probably been victims of it and have been the initiator of it. There have been many people, friends, family, leaders, mentors, etc..that have said something to me or a collective group, under the guise of "just being honest" and fail to realize the words, or goo, that came out of their tube may not have served the genuine purpose it was designed for. I am all for being honest and feel that it is the best way to go, but if what one says doesn't necessitate "letting it all hang out", you've gotta see the line and respect it. Sometimes, you need to just put the cap on the tube to prevent STS. Though people say things that may in deed be true/honest, ask yourself, "What is the potential return on this goo-spewage I am about to release?". See, I am one of those people. I believe the words we use can uplift, encourage, challenge, tear down, belittle, alienate, comfort, love, and respect another person(s). Recently, in the wake of someone's honesty, I was left with a complex that I didn't have before. I know it wasn't intended to happen this way, but words are words...and that means they are interpreted differently by each person because we all view them through a different lens of perspective. I have thought a lot about this and have asked myself, "If So-And-So came back and said this and tried to "wipe up the counter", would it change the way you feel?" Honestly....no. Because once it's out, its' out and you can't take it back. The best policy? Put your cap on to prevent unnecessary spewage, thus resulting in STS.
Leaders are given a huge responsibility and must weigh words carefully. No matter what the task(s) associated with this leadership are, stopping to think and actually CARE about how the person receiving the words may feel as a result prevents STS. I am currently reading "Onward" by Howard Schultz. It is the story of Starbucks and Mr. Schultz's efforts to bring back to Starbucks what it had lost sight of. (It's an excellent book...check it out!) In this book, Mr. Schultz says, "If not checked, success has a way of covering up small failures, and when many of us at Starbucks became swept up in the company's success, it had unintended effects. We ignored, or may we just failed to notice, shortcomings..... As the years passed, enthusiasm morphed into a sense of entitlement, at least from my perspective. Confidence became arrogance, and, at some point, confusion as some of our people stepped back and began to scratch their heads, wondering what Starbucks stood for.... This is why, I think, so many companies fail. Not because of challenges in the marketplace, but because of challenges on the inside." The way we conduct our selves on the inside reflects like a mirror on the outside. When we get consumed with how big we are or how much we have, the small shortcomings often go ignored until Rome is crumbling around you.
Leaders have the responsibility of leading in a positive, ethical manner, which should be tempered with language to match. Negative or hurtful words have weight, weight adds pressure, pressure pushes tension, tension creates breaking. Positive words have the ability to lift burdens, lighten the pressure, ease the tension and prevent any breaking. Being honest is a good thing,I would never propose otherwise. It's just important to think about the delivery, tone, mode, and purpose of the words. Ask yourself, "Where do I see this adding benefit?" And remember, just because it wouldn't hurt or bother you having someone saying it to you in the manner by which you hear it in your head, DOES NOT guarantee they will feel the same. Once it's out, it's out and that means no matter how much you wipe and back-peddle, you can never erase the stain your STS has left on the counter of one's heart and soul. If you don't care about that so much...then I guess your just left with empty tubes of goo, a messy counter, nasty teeth and breath, and nobody who wants to be around you because of it.
I once had a Pastor when I was very young, Reverend Tom, who was an amazing, Godly man who was very instrumental in my development as a Christian. Every Sunday before delivering the "big guys sermon", he would call all of the children to the front of the church to sit around him and do the children's sermon, then releasing us all for Children's Church. One sermon in particular I remind myself of on a very regular basis. He talked to us about how the things we allow to come out of our mouths have great impact on people, and act much like that of toothpaste. Once it's out, it's out and it is NOT going back in. You can wipe it up and try to act like it didn't happen, but no matter how hard you try, a little less toothpaste exists in the tube and it didn't even go to good use. He further illustrated that when you are pointing your finger at someone, there are three of your own pointing back at you.
As adults, we have all experienced STS. We've probably been victims of it and have been the initiator of it. There have been many people, friends, family, leaders, mentors, etc..that have said something to me or a collective group, under the guise of "just being honest" and fail to realize the words, or goo, that came out of their tube may not have served the genuine purpose it was designed for. I am all for being honest and feel that it is the best way to go, but if what one says doesn't necessitate "letting it all hang out", you've gotta see the line and respect it. Sometimes, you need to just put the cap on the tube to prevent STS. Though people say things that may in deed be true/honest, ask yourself, "What is the potential return on this goo-spewage I am about to release?". See, I am one of those people. I believe the words we use can uplift, encourage, challenge, tear down, belittle, alienate, comfort, love, and respect another person(s). Recently, in the wake of someone's honesty, I was left with a complex that I didn't have before. I know it wasn't intended to happen this way, but words are words...and that means they are interpreted differently by each person because we all view them through a different lens of perspective. I have thought a lot about this and have asked myself, "If So-And-So came back and said this and tried to "wipe up the counter", would it change the way you feel?" Honestly....no. Because once it's out, its' out and you can't take it back. The best policy? Put your cap on to prevent unnecessary spewage, thus resulting in STS.
Leaders are given a huge responsibility and must weigh words carefully. No matter what the task(s) associated with this leadership are, stopping to think and actually CARE about how the person receiving the words may feel as a result prevents STS. I am currently reading "Onward" by Howard Schultz. It is the story of Starbucks and Mr. Schultz's efforts to bring back to Starbucks what it had lost sight of. (It's an excellent book...check it out!) In this book, Mr. Schultz says, "If not checked, success has a way of covering up small failures, and when many of us at Starbucks became swept up in the company's success, it had unintended effects. We ignored, or may we just failed to notice, shortcomings..... As the years passed, enthusiasm morphed into a sense of entitlement, at least from my perspective. Confidence became arrogance, and, at some point, confusion as some of our people stepped back and began to scratch their heads, wondering what Starbucks stood for.... This is why, I think, so many companies fail. Not because of challenges in the marketplace, but because of challenges on the inside." The way we conduct our selves on the inside reflects like a mirror on the outside. When we get consumed with how big we are or how much we have, the small shortcomings often go ignored until Rome is crumbling around you.
Leaders have the responsibility of leading in a positive, ethical manner, which should be tempered with language to match. Negative or hurtful words have weight, weight adds pressure, pressure pushes tension, tension creates breaking. Positive words have the ability to lift burdens, lighten the pressure, ease the tension and prevent any breaking. Being honest is a good thing,I would never propose otherwise. It's just important to think about the delivery, tone, mode, and purpose of the words. Ask yourself, "Where do I see this adding benefit?" And remember, just because it wouldn't hurt or bother you having someone saying it to you in the manner by which you hear it in your head, DOES NOT guarantee they will feel the same. Once it's out, it's out and that means no matter how much you wipe and back-peddle, you can never erase the stain your STS has left on the counter of one's heart and soul. If you don't care about that so much...then I guess your just left with empty tubes of goo, a messy counter, nasty teeth and breath, and nobody who wants to be around you because of it.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Into the Zone
There I was...(cue the "Eye of the Tiger" song) waiting to begin the journey to.....to....what the heck am I thinking?!?! A HALF-MARATHON??? Seriously Molls, now you've just gone too far. Maybe I have...but I like it!!!
In April, my best friend and running coach, Samantha, and I are going to bind ourselves together and endure a half marathon. That's right...13.1 miles in the trenches. 13.1....very....LOOOONNNGG miles. So in order to get ready for this we have to prepare our bodies for what we need it to endure.
I am pretty dedicated to a regular routine of running/working out, but this is different. Preparing for this is more than just getting your pacing, form, and endurance right...it's more important to get your mindset right. The mind needs just as much conditioning, if not more, than the body. A lot of people ask me what I think about when I run, and the truth is...EVERYTHING! But a funny thing happens...and you athletes will relate...I have "A ZONE". It's the place I go to when I separate my mind from my body. It's the place where I challenge, taunt, and congratulate myself. It's also the place that when I am there...I can't hear ANYTHING except my thoughts and my music. Nothing can touch me...not even pain. It's a place where I am free, but in control. Everyone has a zone...it just may look different.
Where is your zone? Is it in a book? Music? Relationships? Religion? Sleep? Entertainment? Food? Wherever your zone is, it is critical to evaluate if it's a place that is good for you. If it's a place you run into to get lost...step back a second. That's not a zone, that's an escape. And though it can be a zone that may not appear damaging, if it makes you get lost from reality then you are most likely trying to run FROM something rather than TO something. Books are good, but is it a remedy for something you desire in your life? Religion is awesome (I am a proud, Christ-loving, Bible Thumper...and love it!), but if you only seek religious knowledge to fight what or whoever you think is doing wrong against you or have "an edge"....you're escaping. Entertainment's cool....but if your relating to a character or plot to the point where you feel apart of it...you've left your reality.
A zone is a place where you go to seek something bigger than yourself and bring pieces of it back to your reality to share with others. Those pieces are what others are enticed by and drawn to. A zone is a place that allows you to leave it and you feel healed, or empowered by it. So it's important that we all evaluate what or where our zones are. Because positive or negative, we give a glimpse of it to others. Running is a zone for me...it hasn't always been though. Some days it is harder to run into, some days it's not. The important thing is heading towards it with forward movement and returning with something to give others.