It's easier said than done, isn't it? I mean, to forgive AND forget is really a tall order. Don't you agree? We live in a society where it's ok to do something that is hurtful or damaging to someone so long as we round it off with a seemingly heartfelt, "I'm sorry!"
But when you think about it, I mean REALLY think about it, 'I'm sorry' is just the combination of two individual words. It's the meaning of those two words combined that has been lost amidst a world full of wrong-doing, hate, hurt, and pointing fingers. We've created an environment where we can quickly excuse our actions or the actions of others so long as it's followed up with an 'I'm sorry.' We take very little time, if any, to truly weigh and evaluate the genuine meaning and intention of those words. When someone says 'I'm sorry' the most common response is, 'It's ok.' But when you stop and think of the implications and effect of someone's actions or words, is it really ok? Anyone can say 'I'm sorry,' but it takes more to follow that with asking for forgiveness.
So here's the next question....what does forgiveness mean? Seriously, what does it look like for you? Is it something that has a unique meaning to each of us? Webster's dictionary defines it as "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)." Furthermore, it says "to give up resentment or claim to requital." Wikipedia says this about forgiveness:
"Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well."
That's a tall order, right? That's why forgiveness is so different than simply excusing or condoning ones actions or words. It's more than pardoning it for the moment, it's truly is acknowledging it, reconciling it, and letting it go.
For those that follow Christ, the Bible states time and time again that Christ is the atonement by which God forgives his children of all their sins. In Hebrews 8:12 and Hebrews 10:18, it says that because Christ was and is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, we are truly forgiven and that there is not recollection or record of our sins. Every time we come to God or He looks at us and our hearts, it's no longer filtered through our sins, but through the pure love and sacrifice of Christ and what He did on the cross.
So what does forgiveness mean to you? Does it truly mean to forgive AND forget? If not, then maybe it's ok for you to respond an 'I'm sorry' with a simple 'it's ok.' But if offering forgiveness, true forgiveness, maybe it means that we are willing to sacrifice ourselves to ensure that our offenders are seen in a perfect, clean light. It means willingly removing the filter through which we view them by their offenses to a filter where they've done no wrong. Obviously, this takes an immense amount of trust and wisdom. God certainly doesn't want us to be foolish either!
Offering forgiveness doesn't have to mean that you repair or reconcile every broken relationship where someone has done wrong. But it does mean that you forgive the offender and reconcile your heart. It means letting go of the right to be angry about it and the foothold of resentment. It means replacing the filter and seeing them as God sees them, and respecting and honoring their placement in your life. You don't have to be buddy-buddy with your ex, or besties with the best friend that hurt you deeply, but forgiving them means you are replacing the filter through which you view them. It means that you let go of the hurt, anger, resentment, revenge, and gunny-sacking. It means trusting that God will direct their placement and how close they are to you in your life.
True, genuine forgiveness is far more intense and beautiful than a simple 'I'm sorry.' It's a deep, rich peace that leads to strength and healing. Through forgiveness both you and those that have done wrong experience freedom. So again I ask you, is it a tall order for you to forgive and forget?
Friday, December 1, 2017
Friday, April 7, 2017
Mirror, Mirror
Truthfully, I’ve sat here for way too long trying to figure out how to even begin crafting my thoughts into words. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some matters of the heart and mutterings of the soul that even the written word cannot capture.
However, I’m going to give it my best shot. When I was a kid, I would ride along in the car and look at the side view mirrors reading that statement, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” over and over again. I would sit and ponder why it mattered how big they were because the most important thing was that they were there at all! PERIOD. Remember that scene from Jurassic Park when they’re trying to escape the very large and carnivorous T-Rex? One of the passengers in the vehicle looks in the side view mirror and sees the T-Rex chasing after them. Even then the statement about the objects is on the mirror! If you look in your rear view mirror and see a very large, dangerous, and man-eating animal chasing you, you need not worry about the size, you need to worry about the fact that it’s chasing you at all.
I’ve learned this the hard way in life. Many times I would look in a side view mirror, or even one in front of me, and I would assess a size or value to them. Some of the things were good things but because they didn’t look big enough I didn’t keep them close enough to me. Other things were not so good. They were/are the T-Rex chasing me. And then I have found myself not looking in the mirror at all because out of sight is out of mind, right?
It’s the things all around our lives that we choose to either draw closer to or simply justify away and ignore. I have found that I often spend more time trying to justify things into my own understanding to better fit MY will. That has managed to get me hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and feeling unworthy. And knowing the difference between right and wrong really IS a powerful thing. (My mom and dad should be proud.) At the end of the day, I am learning that some people are just fine being the T-Rex while others spend their lives running from a T-Rex. I’m choosing not to be either one.
Why? Because when I embrace the good things and draw them closer to me their size doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that they’re there at all that matters. Suddenly their size becomes less relevant because it’s more important that they’re reflected in my mirror at all. All of this requires letting go and giving in. Mark my words, this is NOT easy. But letting go of the T-Rex that you’ve clung to for so long means more room for embracing something that’s a better reflection in your life. And giving in and giving up are two very different things. Giving UP has an implied sense of hopelessness, defeat, and failure. But giving in comes with an inherent trust that requires surrendering to something you can’t see or touch because HOPE is a better reflection.
Faith calls us to look at what is reflected in our mirrors and make some tough choices. Sometimes faith calls us to let go of something we’ve thought to be good for a long time. Sometimes faith calls you to be the light amongst the darkness. Sometimes faith calls us to be the balance on the scale of right and wrong. Sometimes faith calls us to trust just a little bit longer. Whatever it calls me to do, I’m going to do it.
However, I’m going to give it my best shot. When I was a kid, I would ride along in the car and look at the side view mirrors reading that statement, “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear” over and over again. I would sit and ponder why it mattered how big they were because the most important thing was that they were there at all! PERIOD. Remember that scene from Jurassic Park when they’re trying to escape the very large and carnivorous T-Rex? One of the passengers in the vehicle looks in the side view mirror and sees the T-Rex chasing after them. Even then the statement about the objects is on the mirror! If you look in your rear view mirror and see a very large, dangerous, and man-eating animal chasing you, you need not worry about the size, you need to worry about the fact that it’s chasing you at all.
I’ve learned this the hard way in life. Many times I would look in a side view mirror, or even one in front of me, and I would assess a size or value to them. Some of the things were good things but because they didn’t look big enough I didn’t keep them close enough to me. Other things were not so good. They were/are the T-Rex chasing me. And then I have found myself not looking in the mirror at all because out of sight is out of mind, right?
It’s the things all around our lives that we choose to either draw closer to or simply justify away and ignore. I have found that I often spend more time trying to justify things into my own understanding to better fit MY will. That has managed to get me hurt, disappointed, frustrated, and feeling unworthy. And knowing the difference between right and wrong really IS a powerful thing. (My mom and dad should be proud.) At the end of the day, I am learning that some people are just fine being the T-Rex while others spend their lives running from a T-Rex. I’m choosing not to be either one.
Why? Because when I embrace the good things and draw them closer to me their size doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that they’re there at all that matters. Suddenly their size becomes less relevant because it’s more important that they’re reflected in my mirror at all. All of this requires letting go and giving in. Mark my words, this is NOT easy. But letting go of the T-Rex that you’ve clung to for so long means more room for embracing something that’s a better reflection in your life. And giving in and giving up are two very different things. Giving UP has an implied sense of hopelessness, defeat, and failure. But giving in comes with an inherent trust that requires surrendering to something you can’t see or touch because HOPE is a better reflection.
Faith calls us to look at what is reflected in our mirrors and make some tough choices. Sometimes faith calls us to let go of something we’ve thought to be good for a long time. Sometimes faith calls you to be the light amongst the darkness. Sometimes faith calls us to be the balance on the scale of right and wrong. Sometimes faith calls us to trust just a little bit longer. Whatever it calls me to do, I’m going to do it.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Nothing left to give.
You've been there. I've been there. We've ALL been there. Your body is tired, and your mind is consumed with frustration. Your hands are clutched against your chest because you've got nothing left to hand out to anyone else. Your head hangs in complete weariness, yet it takes NO effort whatsoever to sit and allow the tears to flow. If one more person asks for something, one more this or one more that....you just might scream....if only you had the strength. Between breaths you fight against the complete debilitation that preys on you. Hiding would be easier, it would hurt less, and maybe you could just rest. You're scared. You're worried. Why? Because you want nothing more than to just let go. Your heart whispers the prayer, "Please Lord, just don't let anyone ask for anything else because I have nothing left to give."
In those moments, when you doubt your sanity and being overwhelmed feels like the only option, what do you do? Better yet, where do you go? When it seems like NOTHING is going your way and nobody understands everything YOU have to do, what to do you do? Sacrifice....nobody gets sacrifice like you do... They couldn't possibly understand that, right?! And yet, they keep asking, the world keeps expecting, and life keeps waiting. You're weak and tired, and you don't want to be in the middle of doing what's best for you and what's expected of you anymore. And your heart again whispers, "Please Lord, just don't let anyone ask for anything else because I have nothing left to give."
Maybe you get mad and snarky with others. After all, THEY keep asking, right? Or maybe you run away to a place or an addiction. Some of us shut down completely, and when we shut down we usually shut out. In these moments, there's plenty of blame, hurt, lack of reason, and shame to throw around, isn't there? We say things we don't mean, we do things we don't normally do, or we refuse to do what we're still very capable of doing. Who feels this? Your family? Friends? Colleagues? Maybe all of them. It's not fair, is it? And your heart again whispers the prayer, "Please Lord, just don't let anyone ask for anything else because I have nothing left to give."
From a young age, we're told that "it is better to give than to receive." I'm not arguing that at all! But nowhere in that saying does it say "it is better to give and never receive." I'm not talking about receiving gifts, people doing things for you, or the like. I'm talking about asking for and receiving rest. Taking rest. Taking peace. Taking renewal. When we've reached the point where we just have "nothing left to give" and just feel deflated and feeble, it's usually because we've done more giving than receiving. We get so caught up in giving that we neglect to take. It's an imbalance that will flatten you if you're not careful. For me, I collapse in this heap when I'm doing a lot of giving and not enough taking.
Our Father promises that He will never leave us. He vowed in his word to give when we need to take. He will take your exhaustion and give you rest. He will take your tired soul and breath revival into it. He takes away weakness and gives strength. He takes overwhelmed, frustrated, and chaos and gives peace, OH that sweet peace! And in the quiet, you'll hear His sweet voice say, "Please child, just ask it of me because I have so much more to give."
I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you in my righteous right hand.
-Isaiah 41:10
Friday, September 11, 2015
One drip at a time...
Words. Actions. Motive. It all stems from a motive. What we do, what we say, how we respond, and how we allow things to effect us all begins with a motive...somewhere.
I know this will seem like a drastic subject change here, and the English teacher in me is making red pen marks about a non-existent transition, but hang with me! This past summer we went with friends that were visiting to the Tuckaleechee Caverns here in Tennessee. Now, if you've never been to any sort of underground caverns, you definitely should make that happen! It's unbelievable that as much beauty and splendor that exists on TOP of the Earth, there is just as much and more beneath the ground.
From the moment we set foot in the caverns, our eyes feasted on towering stalactites and crawling stalagmites. Each one was so beautifully unique and carefully crafted over thousands of years....one drip at a time. Some were only a few inches tall, others were towering past a hundred feet. There were areas worn into the smoothest bowl-shaped formations I had ever seen. Regardless of the shape, size, and texture, or form of these astounding each held a remarkable symbol of who we are as humans that is typically lost when looking at them with just your eyes.
Stalagmites are formed by the calcium and mineral deposits in dripping water that slowly collect over time until a strong rock-formation rises from the ground, and they're typically characterized by smooth, rounded tops. Conversely, stalactites are also made from dripping water containing minerals; however, stalactites hang from the ceiling of a cave and progressively grow downwards into a pointed, often very sharp tip. Furthermore, there are areas where dripping water has worn into bowl-shaped dips and holes in the stone.
These formations symbolize how we can effect those around us. We are all created with unique skills, talents, experience, and gifts that make us who we are, but it's what we do with them that creates an impact and leaves a legacy if we so choose. Everyday we engage with family, friends, colleagues, bosses, community members, etc., etc., and we have a choice. By sharing all that we're made of with those around us, we have the opportunity to build people into tall, strong smooth-topped structures that continue to grow over time. Or....we can be someone who slowly wears someone to a point that will eventually stop and appear uninviting. They will constantly have to fight to hang on because they've doing it for so long. Sooner or later, the weight will become more than they can bear and they'll fall and crumble into a million pieces. Some will slowly be worn away into a rounded hole that will blend into the stone around them and will never really grow into anything more than just a bigger bowl. Each formation formed by the same method, but what becomes of them depends on what is contained in each drip.
Whether you're a leader, manager, boss, father, mother, colleague, friend, or family member, you have an opportunity. Ask yourself if what you're sharing with others is creating a developing, strong, monolith that others will want to gaze at and know more about. Are you only sharing things that slowly wear people to a hard, sharp point? Will the weight they carry eventually force them to lose the fight to "just hang on" and fall and crumble into a pile? Or are you constantly wearing away on someone and creating a indifferent, oblivious form that soon just gets wider and blends in, or you drip right through them altogether?
If you're not leaving others with the idea that they can be more than they are right now and challenging them to become bigger than they thought they could be, are you really creating a legacy? If the people who are around you on a regular basis don't have aspirations of doing and being more, then ask yourself why not? They need empowerment. They need encouragement. They need your positive gifts and motivation so don't withhold them from them! Don't live in fear that they might grow bigger than you and overshadow you altogether. It's actually quite the contrary. When skyscrapers are built, nobody looks at them and says, "That building really built itself into an amazing structure!" The building didn't build itself, the architect who dreamt it and the hands that created it all had a bigger vision than the one on the blueprint and believed that the finished product would speak for their vision, skills, and knowledge. What we have and give to others isn't always a nicely wrapped "thing" in a box with a pretty bow on top; it's often teaching, empowering, or leading them to the water and letting them figure out how to cross the river and then cheering for them when they reach the other side.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
YES....I work from home.
NO....it's not a cake walk.
Yes...I work from home....NO, that doesn't mean that everything is easy. Yes..I can work in my pajamas....NO that's not always by choice....somedays I just haven't had a free moment to change my clothes yet because I am so busy. Yes...I can go for a run on my lunch break.....NO that's not everyday because most days I don't even take a lunch. Yes...I'm here when my kids get off the bus....NO that doesn't mean I get to sit down and do their homework with them right away. Yes...I can switch laundry over, start dinner, and grab a package when the UPS guy rings the doorbell....NO that doesn't mean that when my kids are sick and home from school that I can easily take care of them and properly tend to their needs AND do my job with the care that it deserves.
In fact...working from home is not a "cake walk" as it would seem to many. Is my morning commute short and rather stress-free? Probably, compared to most. But before I log in, I have made sure both of my kids are up, showered, dressed, fed, lunches packed, and to school on time. Then I come back and jump into helping REAL families, REAL people, who have REAL goals, hurdles, and issues. And do I do it from home? YES. I do it alongside an AMAZING team of hard-working, intelligent, and brilliant people who band together to support our clients from hundreds of miles away. We deal with the same people who get angry, say hateful things, share successes, and give praise when earned. However, we don't get to look them in the eye and use the power of touch and body language to put them at ease and build meaningful relationships with them. We do it through the power of words and actions. We don't have to go to a physical 4-walled building, sit under horrible florescent lights, and wait in anticipation for quitting time for us to do our job and exceed expectations. We're so freaking good, we can do it without even leaving the house.
I'm tired of people thinking that because I work from home that being in the same living space counts as "quality time" with my husband. There are days that I hardly leave my office, let alone share a hug and a kiss with him until almost bedtime. So forgive us if we opt to do something together where we can look into each other's eyes and talk about each other's day. Sharing physical space with someone DOES NOT mean that you are spending conscious, focused, meaningful time together doing the things that you both enjoy that provide a foundation for your relationship. I'm repulsed by people who think because they work from an actual physical office and that because I work from home I should be able to take care of anything that comes up at home or with the family all on my own. It is visible proof that they actually don't know shit.
Granted, there are some work from home occupations that don't require undivided focus and "out-of-the-box" thinking. However, even if I were offered a chance to do that, I wouldn't change what I do for anything. Why? Because I am closer to my teammates than a lot of people I've worked next to in an actual office. We are spread out across the country and that means we work harder than most to support, encourage, and care for each other. I would trust ANY of them in most any situation versus some people I've shared a physical office with. The company I work for cares for EVERYONE from our clients, team members, regional directors, and city directors. Our CEO sits in on EVERY weekly meeting with the directors across the nation. I get a "virtual hand slap" if I log in after hours and I'm told to go spend time with my family. We share fitness challenges, holiday parties, and friendships better than most. We also have expectations everyday, goals, and challenges that we are expected to meet, beat, and exceed. And we DO.
So next time judgement jumps to, "Oh, well she works from home....," stop to think. It's NOT easy. It's NOT "well she can take care of the kids when their sick AND still get her job done." It's NOT just sitting in front of a computer all day. It is NOT living stress-free each work day while wearing fluffy slippers and eating bon-bons. It IS hard work, it IS creative problem-solving, it IS creating success for families, students, and clients that are seeking it. It IS building relationships through effective listening and communication. It IS creating trust without the advantage of human touch and eye-to-eye contact. It IS something I am damn proud of. So before weighing the level of stress, importance, or hard work involved with one job next to mine, come sit behind me for a day and see and do what I do. Then you have an even playing field. Choosing to assume that one knows all the ins and outs of working from home because of what is seen on TV and portrayed by various media outlets is merely evidence of chosen ignorance. It's ascribing to a certain naiveté because choosing to ask questions and educate oneself is just more difficult and it might shed light on things you were hoping weren't true. It's the number one reason that working from home is probably not the best option for those folks.
Yes...I work from home....NO, that doesn't mean that everything is easy. Yes..I can work in my pajamas....NO that's not always by choice....somedays I just haven't had a free moment to change my clothes yet because I am so busy. Yes...I can go for a run on my lunch break.....NO that's not everyday because most days I don't even take a lunch. Yes...I'm here when my kids get off the bus....NO that doesn't mean I get to sit down and do their homework with them right away. Yes...I can switch laundry over, start dinner, and grab a package when the UPS guy rings the doorbell....NO that doesn't mean that when my kids are sick and home from school that I can easily take care of them and properly tend to their needs AND do my job with the care that it deserves.
In fact...working from home is not a "cake walk" as it would seem to many. Is my morning commute short and rather stress-free? Probably, compared to most. But before I log in, I have made sure both of my kids are up, showered, dressed, fed, lunches packed, and to school on time. Then I come back and jump into helping REAL families, REAL people, who have REAL goals, hurdles, and issues. And do I do it from home? YES. I do it alongside an AMAZING team of hard-working, intelligent, and brilliant people who band together to support our clients from hundreds of miles away. We deal with the same people who get angry, say hateful things, share successes, and give praise when earned. However, we don't get to look them in the eye and use the power of touch and body language to put them at ease and build meaningful relationships with them. We do it through the power of words and actions. We don't have to go to a physical 4-walled building, sit under horrible florescent lights, and wait in anticipation for quitting time for us to do our job and exceed expectations. We're so freaking good, we can do it without even leaving the house.
I'm tired of people thinking that because I work from home that being in the same living space counts as "quality time" with my husband. There are days that I hardly leave my office, let alone share a hug and a kiss with him until almost bedtime. So forgive us if we opt to do something together where we can look into each other's eyes and talk about each other's day. Sharing physical space with someone DOES NOT mean that you are spending conscious, focused, meaningful time together doing the things that you both enjoy that provide a foundation for your relationship. I'm repulsed by people who think because they work from an actual physical office and that because I work from home I should be able to take care of anything that comes up at home or with the family all on my own. It is visible proof that they actually don't know shit.
Granted, there are some work from home occupations that don't require undivided focus and "out-of-the-box" thinking. However, even if I were offered a chance to do that, I wouldn't change what I do for anything. Why? Because I am closer to my teammates than a lot of people I've worked next to in an actual office. We are spread out across the country and that means we work harder than most to support, encourage, and care for each other. I would trust ANY of them in most any situation versus some people I've shared a physical office with. The company I work for cares for EVERYONE from our clients, team members, regional directors, and city directors. Our CEO sits in on EVERY weekly meeting with the directors across the nation. I get a "virtual hand slap" if I log in after hours and I'm told to go spend time with my family. We share fitness challenges, holiday parties, and friendships better than most. We also have expectations everyday, goals, and challenges that we are expected to meet, beat, and exceed. And we DO.
So next time judgement jumps to, "Oh, well she works from home....," stop to think. It's NOT easy. It's NOT "well she can take care of the kids when their sick AND still get her job done." It's NOT just sitting in front of a computer all day. It is NOT living stress-free each work day while wearing fluffy slippers and eating bon-bons. It IS hard work, it IS creative problem-solving, it IS creating success for families, students, and clients that are seeking it. It IS building relationships through effective listening and communication. It IS creating trust without the advantage of human touch and eye-to-eye contact. It IS something I am damn proud of. So before weighing the level of stress, importance, or hard work involved with one job next to mine, come sit behind me for a day and see and do what I do. Then you have an even playing field. Choosing to assume that one knows all the ins and outs of working from home because of what is seen on TV and portrayed by various media outlets is merely evidence of chosen ignorance. It's ascribing to a certain naiveté because choosing to ask questions and educate oneself is just more difficult and it might shed light on things you were hoping weren't true. It's the number one reason that working from home is probably not the best option for those folks.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Culture of Cowards
For generations, we have been teaching our kids to "use their words" and employ creative resolution strategies. Parents, teachers, school counselors....they help children understand and combat bullying. However, as adults we've developed our own ways to get our jabs in and emotionally manipulate those around us in order to satisfy our own selfish desires. Facebook, Twitter, texting, email, and other media outlets were created as a means to connect people and build community, yet what we've effectively created with these tools is a culture of cowards.
Nowhere is this more apparent than Facebook itself. Once revered a resource to connect old friends and loved ones, Facebook has now become an emotional and psychological battleground. Couples use it as a public forum to publicly display the details of their relationship conflicts. Why? Because it gives a false sense of empowerment through strength in numbers. Let's face it, the more comments received on a post makes one feel like he/she has more people on his/her side. Friends use it as a way to upstage one another and subtly promote themselves. It's become a venue to brag about the newest this or that, or tear down another's choice in sports teams because it just a little bit safer than doing it to one's face. Community? Definitely not.
In an effort to promote community and communication, we've removed one of two necessary ingredients for communication....listening. Husbands and wives, significant others, and family members should be talking AND listening with each other within a home, not at keyboard. Friends support and build each other up when gathering together to celebrate a great achievement or help someone through a low point. There is far more power and community created when we sit down face-to-face to talk and listen to each other. Using Facebook, or other social media outlets, as such does not give the empowerment one might think, but rather a public venue to display the cowardice in people. If we're truly honest with ourselves, it is far easier to spout off a hateful and/or ambiguous post and hit the power button than it is to first hit the power button, sit down, and communicate with one another face-to-face. However, in terms of results, the latter has proven to be much more effective.
Texting is another way we create walls rather than tearing them down. At their irreducible minimum, texts are merely black and white words that are left open to interpretation....or misinterpretation. Carefully choosing the word(s) that will have the most dramatic impact or sting is explained away as "just being honest." Using a period versus an exclamation mark denotes a pointed statement of fact versus a happy, playful statement. Texting also allows us the opportunity to pause or delay responding....or just flat ignore it too. Using our phones to send texts is actually contradictory to it's original purpose....talking.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that all Facebook, texting, chat rooms, email, etc. is bad; however, I am suggesting that we've made it easier to not be honest with each other. We resort to false modes of communication because many of us feel that we can no longer be honest with each other in-person. Why? Because so many people emotionally bully others and don't converse, but rather manipulate with guilt, anger, and snide remarks. It's commonplace for some to control others and the conversation with the use of one's reactions and moods. Because people have found this route to be somewhat successful many times, if you could call it that, they continue to utilize it thinking they've found a way. However, what they don't realize is that they've created an atmosphere of dishonesty and resentment so everyone just gives in because nobody wants to share how they really feel because they don't want to deal with the other's moods and/or reactions. How lame is THAT?! If we spent half the time and energy creating a safe, respectful stage for real, honest communication that we do with false, cowardly jabs, we'd waste far less precious time. We'd have genuine, intentional time together that promotes healing and encouragement. Our time together would leave us feeling energized, loved, and supported rather than drained, beat down, and inadequate. We'd build communities founded on authentic, sincere relationships where we can tell someone something difficult and do so with tact, respect, and encouragement. Our conversations wouldn't stop at the telling of something difficult, but rather start there and end with how we can help each other to overcome it and better the health of the relationship going forward.
As humans, we're naturally wired to compete. However, competing with our friends and loved ones under the guise of friendship or "heathy competition" is manipulative and is an outward sign of insecurity. Instead of understated attempts to remedy that insecurity, we need to be able to talk to one another about it and ask for help and support from each other to overcome it. Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to be honest and genuine with each other. We've disabled our natural ability to connect with others because we can easily put a phone, computer, or video game controller in the middle and then hide behind the power key. Our culture reveres it as funny or "hip" to read through someone's latest slam on Facebook, but all we've done is effectively created a culture of cowards.
Nowhere is this more apparent than Facebook itself. Once revered a resource to connect old friends and loved ones, Facebook has now become an emotional and psychological battleground. Couples use it as a public forum to publicly display the details of their relationship conflicts. Why? Because it gives a false sense of empowerment through strength in numbers. Let's face it, the more comments received on a post makes one feel like he/she has more people on his/her side. Friends use it as a way to upstage one another and subtly promote themselves. It's become a venue to brag about the newest this or that, or tear down another's choice in sports teams because it just a little bit safer than doing it to one's face. Community? Definitely not.
In an effort to promote community and communication, we've removed one of two necessary ingredients for communication....listening. Husbands and wives, significant others, and family members should be talking AND listening with each other within a home, not at keyboard. Friends support and build each other up when gathering together to celebrate a great achievement or help someone through a low point. There is far more power and community created when we sit down face-to-face to talk and listen to each other. Using Facebook, or other social media outlets, as such does not give the empowerment one might think, but rather a public venue to display the cowardice in people. If we're truly honest with ourselves, it is far easier to spout off a hateful and/or ambiguous post and hit the power button than it is to first hit the power button, sit down, and communicate with one another face-to-face. However, in terms of results, the latter has proven to be much more effective.
Texting is another way we create walls rather than tearing them down. At their irreducible minimum, texts are merely black and white words that are left open to interpretation....or misinterpretation. Carefully choosing the word(s) that will have the most dramatic impact or sting is explained away as "just being honest." Using a period versus an exclamation mark denotes a pointed statement of fact versus a happy, playful statement. Texting also allows us the opportunity to pause or delay responding....or just flat ignore it too. Using our phones to send texts is actually contradictory to it's original purpose....talking.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that all Facebook, texting, chat rooms, email, etc. is bad; however, I am suggesting that we've made it easier to not be honest with each other. We resort to false modes of communication because many of us feel that we can no longer be honest with each other in-person. Why? Because so many people emotionally bully others and don't converse, but rather manipulate with guilt, anger, and snide remarks. It's commonplace for some to control others and the conversation with the use of one's reactions and moods. Because people have found this route to be somewhat successful many times, if you could call it that, they continue to utilize it thinking they've found a way. However, what they don't realize is that they've created an atmosphere of dishonesty and resentment so everyone just gives in because nobody wants to share how they really feel because they don't want to deal with the other's moods and/or reactions. How lame is THAT?! If we spent half the time and energy creating a safe, respectful stage for real, honest communication that we do with false, cowardly jabs, we'd waste far less precious time. We'd have genuine, intentional time together that promotes healing and encouragement. Our time together would leave us feeling energized, loved, and supported rather than drained, beat down, and inadequate. We'd build communities founded on authentic, sincere relationships where we can tell someone something difficult and do so with tact, respect, and encouragement. Our conversations wouldn't stop at the telling of something difficult, but rather start there and end with how we can help each other to overcome it and better the health of the relationship going forward.
As humans, we're naturally wired to compete. However, competing with our friends and loved ones under the guise of friendship or "heathy competition" is manipulative and is an outward sign of insecurity. Instead of understated attempts to remedy that insecurity, we need to be able to talk to one another about it and ask for help and support from each other to overcome it. Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to be honest and genuine with each other. We've disabled our natural ability to connect with others because we can easily put a phone, computer, or video game controller in the middle and then hide behind the power key. Our culture reveres it as funny or "hip" to read through someone's latest slam on Facebook, but all we've done is effectively created a culture of cowards.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
You're Stronger Than You Think....
I'm sure you can relate.....there are some days when you feel like you can conquer the world, and there are those when you feel like you can't conquer getting out of bed. We ALL have them. It's simply a part of life.
I would consider myself to be a fairly strong person on a regular basis. I've dealt with my fair share of happiness, good times, ups, downs, and outright horrible situations. I'll be honest, most of the time when dealing with a low time or bad situation, I inevitably find myself asking God why this is happening, or what is the lesson in all of this God, or better yet, why me/us?
It's ok....God is used to those questions, and He gets them from a lot of us. I believe that He's ok with questions like that as long as we are bringing them to Him. Keeping the lines of prayer and communication open with Him is ultimately what He desires the most. It's when we turn away or simply quiet our hearts from Him that we lose sight of the amazing possibilities He can do through us.
I'm not switching gears....PROMISE! But, think of the first time you stood on the shore of the ocean staring at the horizon and wondering just how far that water really goes. For me, I was about 5 or 6 years old and I remember standing there in complete awe, shock, amazement, and a little bit of terror too. The shear vastness of that ocean consumed me in every possible way and to this day, it still catches my breath a little bit. Now...think of Moses. Moses was charged with the task of leading the Israelites out of Egypt and to a safe, promising future. After already enduring numerous trials, there he stood at the shore of the Red Sea staring off into the horizon, wondering just how in the world he was going to get his people safely across to the other side, and the Egyptians were hot on their tail.
"The Lord said to Moses, 'Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward. Lift up your staff, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground.'" - Exodus 14:15-16
Moses did what most of us would do, he turned to his Father in Heaven. However, the answer was probably not what most would expect. God asked Moses questions right back. He asked him why he was crying out to Him? Then He tells him to lift his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea and divide it so that they can pass through the sea safely. (Enter jaw-dropping and deer in headlights look...)
God was asking Moses why he was coming to Him and asking for Him to deal with this when God already gave Moses the power to handle it himself. He didn't wipe out the sea or eliminate the Egyptians to eradicate the problem so that Moses and the Israelites would not have to endure the situation. The sea was still there, the Egyptians were still coming, yet the word says, "that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground." The problem wasn't going away. However, God gave Moses the power to lead the people through the sea on dry ground.
Sometimes I think we pray to God to take away all of our problems, or question why we have to go through something. However, we don't realize that God blesses us time and time again with His supernatural power and strength and we don't rely on it! There are many things in life, often terrible things, that we have to go through, just like Moses and the Israelites did. In those times, we need to remember that God showers us with His love, mercy, strength, and power. He gives us the ability to go through our own Red Seas, yet walk on dry ground. Do you think the Israelites were still not afraid when they were passing through? Wouldn't YOU be afraid?! A long way to travel and HUGE walls of water that could crush you in a heartbeat, and oh yeah, those darned Egyptians are STILL in hot pursuit....yes...there's a bit of fear there! Fear is natural and God expects it. He also expects us to turn it over to Him and trust that He will lead and empower us to come through those situations stronger than when we started. We can't always expect God to wipe out the situation or take care of a problem all together, but we can expect that God provides us with the strength to endure the situations where He's also refining our hearts and deepening our relationship with Him.
I would consider myself to be a fairly strong person on a regular basis. I've dealt with my fair share of happiness, good times, ups, downs, and outright horrible situations. I'll be honest, most of the time when dealing with a low time or bad situation, I inevitably find myself asking God why this is happening, or what is the lesson in all of this God, or better yet, why me/us?
It's ok....God is used to those questions, and He gets them from a lot of us. I believe that He's ok with questions like that as long as we are bringing them to Him. Keeping the lines of prayer and communication open with Him is ultimately what He desires the most. It's when we turn away or simply quiet our hearts from Him that we lose sight of the amazing possibilities He can do through us.
I'm not switching gears....PROMISE! But, think of the first time you stood on the shore of the ocean staring at the horizon and wondering just how far that water really goes. For me, I was about 5 or 6 years old and I remember standing there in complete awe, shock, amazement, and a little bit of terror too. The shear vastness of that ocean consumed me in every possible way and to this day, it still catches my breath a little bit. Now...think of Moses. Moses was charged with the task of leading the Israelites out of Egypt and to a safe, promising future. After already enduring numerous trials, there he stood at the shore of the Red Sea staring off into the horizon, wondering just how in the world he was going to get his people safely across to the other side, and the Egyptians were hot on their tail.
"The Lord said to Moses, 'Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward. Lift up your staff, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground.'" - Exodus 14:15-16
Moses did what most of us would do, he turned to his Father in Heaven. However, the answer was probably not what most would expect. God asked Moses questions right back. He asked him why he was crying out to Him? Then He tells him to lift his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea and divide it so that they can pass through the sea safely. (Enter jaw-dropping and deer in headlights look...)
God was asking Moses why he was coming to Him and asking for Him to deal with this when God already gave Moses the power to handle it himself. He didn't wipe out the sea or eliminate the Egyptians to eradicate the problem so that Moses and the Israelites would not have to endure the situation. The sea was still there, the Egyptians were still coming, yet the word says, "that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground." The problem wasn't going away. However, God gave Moses the power to lead the people through the sea on dry ground.
Sometimes I think we pray to God to take away all of our problems, or question why we have to go through something. However, we don't realize that God blesses us time and time again with His supernatural power and strength and we don't rely on it! There are many things in life, often terrible things, that we have to go through, just like Moses and the Israelites did. In those times, we need to remember that God showers us with His love, mercy, strength, and power. He gives us the ability to go through our own Red Seas, yet walk on dry ground. Do you think the Israelites were still not afraid when they were passing through? Wouldn't YOU be afraid?! A long way to travel and HUGE walls of water that could crush you in a heartbeat, and oh yeah, those darned Egyptians are STILL in hot pursuit....yes...there's a bit of fear there! Fear is natural and God expects it. He also expects us to turn it over to Him and trust that He will lead and empower us to come through those situations stronger than when we started. We can't always expect God to wipe out the situation or take care of a problem all together, but we can expect that God provides us with the strength to endure the situations where He's also refining our hearts and deepening our relationship with Him.
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